


five nothing kisses... unless?

by scrawnycatra



Category: She-Ra and the Princesses of Power (2018)
Genre: F/F, also me: no it doesn't. yes it does. no. yes :), me: this fic fits perfectly with canon!, missing scenes fic uwu, pls read this i worked so hard legit bros :(, shadow weaver invented hating the gays...., she said oh homophobia doesn't exist? not on my watch!, this fic is uh... canon compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-13
Updated: 2020-07-13
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:47:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 21,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25241146
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrawnycatra/pseuds/scrawnycatra
Summary: five times catra and adora kissed and it meant nothing - plus the one time it saved the worldAdora doesn’t know what a kiss is until she finds two senior cadets making out one day. She shows Catra what she sees and then they kiss to find out what it’s like for themselves. They end up really loving the feeling. But it’s nothing, they swear it means nothing.
Relationships: Adora/Catra (She-Ra)
Comments: 323
Kudos: 1293





	five nothing kisses... unless?

**_one._ **

The first time Adora sees it, she is a junior cadet taking a box of supplies into storage. She volunteered to do it, actually, because... why should anyone else? The box is a little heavy, but it’s nothing she can’t manage. Besides, she wanted to take a walk down this corridor. They recently built it, along with this storage unit that Adora is going to, and she just feels more secure this way, getting to see and inspect the layout of the new additional building in the Horde.

A part of her wishes Catra were here. The silence starts to get boring after a while, and it’s hard to distract from the dull weight dragging down her arms with just some light humming and the occasional click of her tongue.

But she finds the new storage space in the end, and this is when the night starts to get interesting. And also, a little confusing.

She’s not alone in the storage space.

_“Shh... stop! Someone might come in!”_

_“No one’s coming in, loser. This place is new. I don’t think anyone’s even allowed in here yet.”_

_“Oh yeah? So what are we doing here?”_

_“Having fun. Also, I stole a key. You’re welcome, by the way.”_

Oh, so that explains why the storage space was already unlocked when Adora came in. She vaguely recognizes both those voices and both these girls. They’re senior cadets; Adora’s met them and they’ve exchanged pleasantries before. But they’re a year older, so she wouldn’t say they’re all that close.

She’s not rushing over to say hi or anything, and these girls aren’t supposed to be here in the first place. But for some reason, Adora feels like _she’s_ the one that’s intruding... whatever is going on there. Just by being in the same room. She thinks she shouldn’t make her presence known, even. That it might ruin whatever bubble they’re in.

Carefully, and without sound, Adora places the supply box neatly where she’s supposed to leave it, and gets up quietly to leave.

That’s when she sees it.

One of them leans in and they start... mashing their lips together? They’re standing very close, not even an inch apart, their bodies pressed up against each other, and their heads are moving in a funny way Adora has never seen two people do before.

She’s not sure she has any idea what they’re doing. As far as she knows, mouths are for eating and drinking and talking and... that’s it really? But Adora supposes this is just one of those random things she’s never heard of. Outside the Horde, people in Etheria do things that are depraved and disgraceful, so she’s learnt. Could this be one of those things?

Adora decides it isn’t any of her business. And from the looks of it what these two cadets are doing isn’t harmful. They pull apart and giggle at each other. They seem very happy. For some strange reason, Adora is envious. She doesn’t covet either one of these girls, but rather... the affection of what they’re doing. It really does seem rather nice.

But enough is enough. Adora decides to leave it be, and to file this incident under one of those boxes in her mind: something to forget and not revisit, because she has other things to focus on. Hopefully, she’ll never see something like this again. Hopefully she gets so busy she forgets it.

The next evening, Adora finds herself at the storage facility again. She’s moving weapons this time, refusing Lonnie’s offer to help her, partly because she was afraid the same thing would happen again.

And it appears she was right to be afraid. She sees the two girls once more. They do more than just the thing with their mouths. They seem to be using a nice corner in the storage space as a sort of hangout spot. They tell each other jokes, laugh, push and shove each other, they even hold hands. They give each other hugs.

It reminds Adora of the things she does with Catra. And she knows she shouldn’t be looking. What these senior cadets have is private, and it looks intimate, and it looks like a secret Adora’s not supposed to know.

But she can’t forget or ignore any of it now. What she finds in the storage space between those two girls is an enigma that she wishes to unravel. Is it good? Is it bad?

The next night, Adora brings Catra along.

“ _Why_ are you making me come with you?” Catra groans with her arms crossed, even though she’s not carrying a single thing. “Are you finally ready to admit you’re stupid for volunteering to bring stuff to this dump every night? You should’ve just made Kyle do it like I told you to.”

Adora heaves a little at the weight in her arms. She’s carrying something much heavier today. “Don’t worry,” she grunts this tiny bit as she uses her knee to kick the box into a better position for her to hold onto, remembering to lift with her legs and not her back. “You don’t have to help me with anything, I just wanted to show you something.”

Catra looks over at her with unreadable eyes. “Whatever. Just,” she grabs for the box, “hand it over.”

Adora gets the box snatched away from her and for a moment she smiles, something in her heart burning warm when she sees Catra holding the heavy box so she won’t have to. But in the next few moments it becomes obvious: holding the box isn’t something that’s all that easy for Catra either. With a small giggle, Adora reaches over and grabs the biggest looking thing she can find in the box and holds it for Catra. The weight is equally split now, and it’s a lot nicer this way. Being with Catra is like that. Everything is just better, and happier, and funnier, and more memorable.

“Thanks for coming with me,” Adora smiles sweetly at her and Catra’s eyes catch in her gaze. She watches as Catra shifts strangely, a tiny beam gracing her lips too. Catra has really pretty lips. Adora doesn’t know how to explain that thought, or what it means. Can lips even be pretty? Does it matter if they are?

“I mean... You wanted to show me something, right?”

“Oh!” Adora perks in memory, chuckling nervously at having clean forgotten what she has to prepare Catra for. “It’s, well, I wanted to show you something that kinda, kind of confused me. Maybe you’ll know what it is. There’s these two cadets—uh—it’s hard to explain. But be quiet when we get there, please? It’s, I don’t even know if I should be _watching_ or _showing you–“_

“Adora, breathe,” Catra tells her, and she takes a breath, the action calming her down. “Don’t worry about it, okay? We’ll just go in, take a look at whatever it is you’re talking about, and then we’ll leave. Nothing wrong with that, right? We’re just passing by, and whatever we see is just. An accident.”

Adora nods slowly. “Right. An accident.” She breathes again. “You’re right.”

“Duh, dummy. I’m always right,” she says, smug and teasing. “It’s why you should always do what I say.”

“And yet you’re here, doing what _I_ asked you to.”

Catra rolls her eyes. “Pft. Shut up. Where the hell is this stupid storage space? We’ve been walking for ages already.”

“Relax, we’re almost there,” she points. “It’s down the corridor on our right.”

“Finally,” Catra says in relief, and soon they’re standing in front of the entryway.

 _“Remember, be quiet,”_ Adora whispers fervently.

Catra sighs under her breath. _“This better be good.”_

Slowly, Adora gets the door open enough for them both, gently closing the door on her own after Catra’s walked in. When she turns around and moves to where Catra is standing, she notices how her mouth is agape.

And, oh, those girls are really... going at it. Whatever it is they’ve been doing. The thing with their mouths, they’re doing it again, hard pressed against a wall. The one against the wall is getting her cheek cupped, and the other has fingers running through her hair. It’s a tiny bit mesmerizing, honestly.

Adora puts her hand on Catra’s shoulder and she flinches, moving from the spot she was previously rooted in, remembering what they really came here to do. Adora follows her, helping her, and then they hear this moan.

They freeze up at the same time. It’s a sound of delight, from what Adora knows. Like the kind she might make when she’s eating something good, when the grey ration bars are just extra tasty that day. Or a sound she might make when Catra gives her a massage, because she fell and hurt herself. Rubs her where it hurts, and scolds her about not enjoying it too much.

They emerge from where they’ve been, and Adora knows they should leave but one last look wouldn’t hurt right? She shouldn’t. Want to replicate their actions. She shouldn’t want to take notes. But Catra is following her and she thinks maybe this is okay. Maybe Catra wants a better look to figure out what’s going on too, and then they can understand what this is together.

The girls are still moving their lips, and Adora sees one of their tongues come into play. Huh. Interesting. They move slightly apart now, and giggle softly as they look at each other. One of them unbuttons the top of the other girl’s pants and they look at each other with tiny nods before she slips her hand down her–

Catra gives a tiny gasp when this happens and Adora is only confused when Catra snatches her wrist and pulls her away, leading them out of the storage space. They run, they run quietly, but they run. Funnily enough, Catra doesn’t stop running even after they’ve left and continues to drag Adora until they’re a good distance away.

“Hey, are you okay?” Adora stops Catra and holds her by the shoulders, gently assessing her face. There’s a little bit of fear and distress there, but more shame than anything else. “What was all that?”

Catra’s expression fades into one that’s less uneasy, and she catches her breath. “Adora, you... really didn’t know what that was?”

“Well, no. That’s why I brought you there remember?” Adora lifts an eyebrow. “Why, am I supposed to?”

“No, figured you wouldn’t know anything about this stuff anyway.” Catra takes a deep breath. “What those... cadets were doing. Is called kissing.”

“Kissing?”

“You’ve really never seen anyone do that until now?”

Adora shrugs. “I guess I just don’t look out for stuff like that.”

They’re walking back to their bunker now, side by side. Adora’s never noticed things in a normal way. Sometimes she spots what others can’t, especially when they’re doing battle simulations or sparring. Other times, she won’t notice the simplest things. Like the new trend someone brought in from outside the Horde. Or the new way other cadets are styling themselves. Or the step in front of her when she trips. Sometimes Adora can barely keep track of the people around her. But Catra she notices. Catra she always keeps track of. Because Catra is the most interesting person she knows. Plus... she worries. And she gets uneasy sometimes, when Catra’s not around.

“Yeah, of course you don’t,” Catra says teasingly. “You’re way too occupied with like, following the rules, being a goody two shoes, and making everyone like you–“

“Hey!” but she can’t even get mad because she’s got a good comeback for that. “If everyone likes me, does that include you?”

Catra blinks for a moment, before scowling and shoving Adora, who starts giggling at her reaction. “No it doesn’t! I said you made— _tried to make_ —everyone like you. I didn’t say it worked.”

“Really? Feels like it has—because you _totally_ like me.”

Catra elbows Adora in the shoulder with a smile she fails to hide. “Stop it! Don’t make me beat you up, idiot.”

Adora titters, but then they continue to walk in silence for a while.

“Why were they doing that though?”

“Huh?”

“Kissing. Why were those cadets kissing? Like, what does that do?”

“Uh...” Catra starts to blush. Adora can’t pull her eyes away. “Because it... feels good?”

“Really?”

“I don’t know for sure, but, yeah, that’s what I heard.”

“Oh.” Adora briefly wonders where Catra’s learnt all this. Did Catra see this stuff before? Well, it makes sense. They’re often together, but they’re not always together. Catra moves in the shadows a lot too. Guess it’s not hard to imagine she saw people kissing. Maybe Catra confronted those people and asked what they were doing. But Adora decides to stop thinking about this. There’s something else she needs to ask. The last thing they saw before they ran out, it’s etched in her mind. “Uh, Catra?”

“Yeah?”

“What was that thing at the end, you know, when we saw–“

Catra’s eyes widen and she stiffens. “Uh, no idea!” she interrupts with haste, like Adora was about to bring up something terrifying. “I don’t, I uh, I don’t know what that was, okay?” she clears her throat. “Sorry.”

Catra’s face is a deep crimson and her fingers fidget where she thinks Adora can’t see. Clearly, she knows more than she’s letting on. But Adora doesn’t want to push her.

“That’s okay.” Adora takes Catra’s hand in hers and smiles. “Now, come on! We’re late for our shower.”

A hot, thought-filled shower later, Catra and Adora are in the empty locker room, putting their various belongings away.

Adora looks at Catra, hair still just the slightest bit damp. Her hair smells incredible, which is crazy because they use the same soap, and Adora’s hair is. Mildly scented at best. Some people say that Catra’s hair is a wild mess, but Adora disagrees, because those people say that to insult her hair. Adora thinks Catra’s hair is beautiful; way cooler and prettier than her boring hair anyway. She wants to run her hands through it, but from what she’s seen others do, Catra gets pretty sensitive about people touching her hair. Kyle tried to grab it once when they were all younger and Catra scratched him. Hard. The scar took months to disappear completely. Adora doesn’t want to make a similar mistake. Besides, if Catra doesn’t like people touching her hair, no one should be doing it, and... as far as she’s concerned, that includes Adora too.

Catra shuts her locker and notices Adora’s staring.

“What’re you looking at me for?”

“Oh, uh, sorry.” Adora scratches her head. There’s something on the tip of her tongue, so she spits it out. “Have you... done it?”

Catra looks at her quizzically. “Done what?”

“Kissing.” Adora shrugs, trying to sound casual about it. “Have you ever kissed anyone?”

“Uh, not really, but I guess I asked about it before and someone like, told me how it works I guess.”

“Oh.” Adora doesn’t know why she finds that exciting, that Catra knows how to kiss. But her heart is racing at the thought. “Can you teach me then?”

“Teach you... what?”

“How to kiss. I want to. I wanna know what it’s like. Can we try it?”

Catra gulps. Her cheeks are stained pink. Adora’s not sure why. Is kissing embarrassing? “Like... together?”

“Why not? Unless you don’t want to–“

“Uh, no! I want—I mean, I’m fine with whatever,” Catra says nervously, scratching her ear.

Adora briefly wonders if kissing is a bad thing to do. Is that why those senior cadets hid away in a secret place to do it? “Kissing isn’t anything weird... right?”

“I don’t, I don’t think so.”

“You said it makes people feel good. But you don’t know for sure because you’ve never tried it.”

“Yeah. I guess you could say that. I mean, yeah.”

“Don’t you wanna know what it’s like? Whether it’d be fun?” Adora grabs Catra gently by her hands, trying to persuade her with sincerity and excitement. “Whether it does feel as good as... what you’ve heard?”

Wordlessly, Catra relents. She pulls Adora in and the sudden movement causes their bodies to crash together. Adora feels warm now, very warm, even though there’s a cold draft in the locker room these days. She gulps as she looks at Catra’s eyes. One blue, one yellow. Both of them beautiful. Their faces are barely an inch away from each other.

“One last time. You sure?”

Adora nods. And then Catra kisses her.

Catra’s lips are slow, warm, and soft. For some reason, her eyes are shut. Adora vaguely remembers the senior cadets closing their eyes too, so she follows suit. She opens her eyes one last time just to see Catra’s face relaxed and gentle like it is, and then her eyes flutter shut again.

Catra pulls away a moment later, and the loss of contact hits Adora like a knife to the gut.

“Why did you stop?” Adora’s eyes flare up in question.

“What? I thought, I thought you wanted me to stop.”

“Why would you think that?”

Catra snorts, like it’s obvious, and like she just realized something about the situation. “Because you weren’t kissing me _back_ , dummy,” she shakes her head with a pretty little laugh. “You’re supposed to kiss back.”

“Oh,” Adora laughs along with her. “I didn’t, I didn’t realize that.” She clears her throat, her heart still thundering in her chest. “I really liked it though.”

“You did?”

“Yeah. It felt... nice. Did you like it too?”

Catra shakes her head with a carefree smile and snicker to boot. “I’d have liked it a whole lot better if you kissed back, idiot.”

“I’ll kiss you better this time,” Adora moves in closer. “Can we do it again?”

Her face softens, and that pink little blush makes its return on her cheeks. “Sure.”

Adora moves in this time, determined to take charge, but she’s also careful to be gentle like Catra had been. At the same time, she wants to be tender. She kisses Catra the way she remembers being kissed, and tries a few new things that she picked up from watching... uh... never mind. Her tongue slips out her mouth and slides over Catra’s bottom lip. Catra’s breath hitches from the motion and she lets out this tiny moan. It’s just a sound, but it shakes Adora to her very core. Catra kisses her more fervently now, with this feverish want, and it has Adora trying her best to keep up.

To say kissing feels good is an understatement. Adora thinks she’s floating, freer than she’s ever been her entire life. Something knots at the bottom of her stomach, and she feels this strange heat she’s never experienced, and as Catra pulls her in to deepen their kiss, Adora feels this ache between her legs, that she can only categorize as something inside her... wanting this and more.

**_two._ **

It becomes, sort of a habit for them.

Adora might catch onto this stuff slow sometimes, but she’s a fast learner. And Catra, Catra learns fast too. It helps that they’re both the other’s teacher. And kissing is the greatest lesson they’ve ever picked up.

She loves kissing Catra. It’s like their new, favorite, secret, shared hobby. They like going to the edge of the Horde where they get to see what it’s like outside, but they’re quick to ignore the view once Catra pulls Adora in by the waist, circling her arms around her. Sometimes she runs her fingers through Adora’s hair, which has given Adora the confidence to try running her fingers through Catra’s too. To her delight, Catra doesn’t pull away or scratch her silly. Catra purrs.

Turns out there’s a lot of ways they can steal time to be alone. And they take any opportunity they can get. It’s not like they’ve never tried to be away from everyone else. It’s sort of how they’ve been for a long time. Adora is unlikely to admit it, but she wants to be with Catra more than she wants to be with anyone else in the world. And when she’s with Catra, she finds that she likes to be alone with the girl. Just the two of them.

They take late showers. Making sure everyone’s done and no one will come in, and honestly they should’ve been doing this the entire time. It’s peaceful without anyone else around, and they get more hot water this way.

There are stalls that divide all the shower heads, but one day Catra convinces her that it would be better to share a stall. They’d be saving water for the Horde too, so really, it’s a win-win situation for everyone involved.

Adora’s heart thumps as she takes her clothes off. They’re both locked in the tiny shower stall together now, and for some reason, the thought of being naked around Catra, the thought of seeing Catra without her clothes on... there’s something exciting about that, but it also makes her nervous. Maybe because it’s something that hasn’t happened before. Maybe because it’s another new secret they’ll be sharing.

Adora tries to be very mechanical about this. She and Catra are here to... shower. And also kiss, but mostly to shower, right? There’s no need for Adora to look—she shouldn’t want to look—and the fact that she’s deathly curious means she should probably not look at all. Adora faces the shower, turning it on, and then she hears Catra laugh.

“Your hair’s still tied up, idiot.”

Catra pulls her hair tie off and Adora spins around on instinct.

“Hey!”

Catra continues to laugh as she places the hair tie somewhere safe and dry on one of the door hooks. Adora, on the other hand... her throat goes dry. She doesn’t say a word, and she can’t take her eyes away.

Catra starts to look uneasy. “Uh... is something wrong?”

Adora feels herself blush. She forces herself to look away. “I’m sorry,” she swallows. “I think... your bod—uh—I mean... I think you’re beautiful. Your...” her throat is closing up, but Catra doesn’t look disgusted, so she keeps going. Catra is smiling actually. It’s small and shy, but it’s there. “You have such a nice body. I uh, I don’t know if that makes any sense–“

Catra presses a small kiss to her lips. “I think your body is nice too,” she says, and then she watches as Catra breaks eye contact with her to look. When she bites her lip, Adora’s body flushes with heat. She never thought her body was something worthy of admiration, or desire. But just by looking... Catra makes her feel so many things.

She can’t stand it any longer. She grabs Catra in a big kiss, and feeling her soft bare body against her own makes the experience just so much better. Catra backs her up until they’re under the shower stream, giggling and kissing as the warm water hits.

They shower together again the next day. And the day after that. And the day after that. It becomes just like any one of their other rituals, but showering with Catra never stops being exciting.

A part of it also never stops feeling forbidden.

For some reason, Adora doesn’t think she should touch Catra’s body, aside from the places she would touch when they kiss, and in other normal situations. For some other reason, she really, really wants to.

All she can do is look. And watch Catra look at her, and it’s like a little dance that they do, and Adora wishes Catra would just _touch_ her already, just so she would be allowed to touch Catra too. It never happens, so they touch each other in other ways. They get this idea of washing each other’s hair, and it feels so nice, to have Catra’s fingers rubbing through her locks, and to run her own fingers through Catra’s hair, getting it squeaky clean, hearing Catra sigh in delight.

Still, there is something missing.

But at least she gets to kiss her. And oh, do they make the most out of that.

Sometimes, Catra climbs off her bed and pounces on Adora in the bottom bunk. The first time it happens, Adora jolts awake with a yelp, but before she can ask Catra what she’s doing or laugh, she’s getting kissed and she kisses right back.

 _“Stop, someone could wake up,”_ Adora whispers one night as she holds a mischievous Catra above her.

 _“Whatever, I’ll just knock ‘em out if they do,”_ Catra says just as quiet, and it makes Adora chuckle softly.

 _“I’m serious!”_ she continues to whisper, but she’s still laughing a little bit, which is admittedly more noise than either of them have been making.

Catra cuts her off with a kiss and it grounds her.

The next night, Adora climbs up to the top bunk and Catra’s eyes flick open immediately. She grabs Adora by the wrist and drags her over, falling on top of Catra with a bump and a sweet long kiss.

They don’t spend every hour of every day kissing or anything, but they do it... often. Sometimes they’ve had a long day of training and Adora is very stressed out and Catra knows and uses her lips to comfort her. Sometimes they’re walking down a long corridor and no one is there so Adora sneaks a peck on Catra’s cheek, and Catra returns the favor hours later with a quick smooch on Adora’s neck.

Months pass and they become senior cadets and they are happy, happier than they’ve ever been, stronger than they’ve ever been, coping with the pressures of being in the Horde better than they ever have.

And then the most horrible thing happens.

“The two of you should be ashamed of yourselves! This sort of _behavior_ is not tolerated at the Horde.”

Those senior cadets that Adora saw all those months ago, who are now proper soldiers, they get caught kissing by the one person who should never catch you doing anything she doesn’t like.

Shadow Weaver.

Adora discovers this on accident, just like she does with many other things. She was looking for Shadow Weaver to report back on something, only to see this... she keeps quiet as she observes the scene unfold in the Black Garnet chamber, her heart pounding in fear.

“Shadow Weaver, please... we didn’t mean to, we were just, just–“

“We won’t do it again! We promise!”

“Lies!” Shadow Weaver strikes one of them with her powers and it scares Adora too. “The two of you will be separated. No longer will either of you operate in the same squadron. Pack your things, you will be stationed in different places effective immediately.”

“No! No, you can’t do this, please!”

Shadow Weaver lets out a cold mocking laugh.

“You think either of you have a choice in this?”

Adora is shaken to the core and rooted in place, shivering. She lets out a soundless gasp and tears begin to run down her cheeks. She is absolutely terrified. She is full of fear over something that only she knows of, besides those girls, and she is overrun with horror. That could have been her and Catra. Shadow Weaver could’ve caught them while they weren’t careful—and there were many times where they haven’t been careful—and they could’ve been separated. Shadow Weaver could have taken Catra away from her, and it reminds her of the times in their childhood where that has been threatened. Catra could be gone and far away from Adora and there would be nothing she could do to stop it.

Adora can’t face Shadow Weaver like this. She also realizes it would not be a good idea to get caught eavesdropping and watching that hellish scene unfold. Adora decides to leave. She runs, as fast and discreet as she can, finding a private empty place. She proceeds to choke down on sobs until she has no more tears left to cry.

She realizes she has to make a decision. To protect Catra. To keep Catra close. She doesn’t know what she would do otherwise.

Adora avoids Catra for hours, keeping herself busy with training and whatnot, because for some reason the thought of telling Catra they have to stop their arrangement... it hurts. At least for the moment, avoiding Catra is easier than facing up to the fact that she can never kiss her again.

But she can’t avoid Catra forever. And also, she doesn’t want to. She physically cannot stay away from Catra, and she can’t stop Catra from seeking her out either. They’re both burning moths drawn to the flame.

Walking to her locker like a tired zombie, Adora briefly reflects on the last kiss she shared with Catra. It was right here at these lockers, early in the morning when they were getting ready and no one else was up yet. Catra had hugged her from behind and given her a long sweet peck on the cheek. She had playfully spread kisses all over Adora’s face. And Adora had returned the favor.

She nearly cries at the memory, as she retrieves her things for an early shower. Well, earlier than she’s used to anyway. This morning, did Adora know? Did she know that playful kiss would be their last? Of course she didn’t. She would’ve kissed Catra longer if she had. She would’ve kissed Catra better.

Now, what they have will be no more.

“Hey, what are you doing?” Catra stops Adora as she shuts her locker, grabbing her wrist. “We don’t do that until way later, remember?”

For some reason, Adora feels her throat sour and close up. Her eyes burn as she pulls away from Catra’s touch.

“No, Catra. I’m... going to shower _now.”_

“Oh,” Catra looks a bit confused, a bit hurt, and the look on her face... it breaks Adora’s heart. “Okay. I’ll come and shower too.”

Adora wants to stop her, but she realizes that would be unfair. And frankly, redundant, because loads of the other cadets are hitting the showers now too. Catra and Adora would obviously have to shower separately with that many people around.

Catra is quiet when they make their way to the shower, and seems to want to say something several times but keeps stopping herself. She trails after Adora and Adora doesn’t know what to do or say, and when Catra follows too close by she gets a little freaked that maybe Catra doesn’t care that other people are around as much as Adora does. She quickly locks the stall behind her where Catra can’t follow, doing her best to ignore the look of anguish that’s there. And then Adora cries her heart out.

She hides her tears and sobs under the cold spray of the water. This is hard, so hard, and the feeling of guilt mixed with all the fear and anxiety and yearning... it is all very hard to process. She doesn’t really know what to do. And she’s hurting Catra, more than she needs to, all because she’s too afraid to pull the plug.

Catra climbs down to Adora’s bed hours later once everyone is asleep, and she looks devastated, ever more so despondent when Adora flinches and shifts away.

“Adora...” her voice sounds so choked up. “Did I do something wrong?”

She takes a shuddering breath. “I’m sorry,” she bites her lip. “I’m so sorry, Catra. But we can’t...” she lowers her voice, quiet enough so no one can hear. Because no one can ever know their secret, and put them in danger of losing each other. “We can’t kiss anymore.”

“What? Why?!” Catra says a little too loud in her shock, and Adora leans forward to shush her, grabbing her wrists, sliding up to hold her hands, and that slow bit of intimacy is more painful than anything.

“Catra, please,” she might cry again, actually, and she was right to want to avoid this, because the sorrow on Catra’s face, the pain in her heart, she can barely bear it. “I can’t explain right now, and we can’t wake anyone up, so could you please... let’s just sleep, okay? We’ll go to bed, and things will be better tomorrow.”

“I don’t understand,” Catra looks heartbroken. Adora can tell because she has the same look on her own face. “Adora–“

 _“This is for our own good,”_ Adora swallows painfully. “I’ll explain tomorrow, I promise, but I need it to be a safer place than here.” She gives Catra a shaky hug. That’s allowed, right? That’s something she can do, right? Even then, it still feels unsafe. “We’ll be okay, I promise. Go back to sleep.”

Catra tightens the hug and Adora breathes her in desperately, like she might lose the feel of this forever if she doesn’t hold onto this moment one last time, experience it as deeply as she can, before it slips through her fingers.

Sniffling, but listening to her anyway, Catra scampers back up to her bed.

Neither of them can sleep that night for a very long time.

The next day, they go all the way up where no one else can follow. As far as they’re concerned. Shadow Weaver has never found them here before, and it’s where they’ve shared many a kiss... but even this place doesn’t feel safe enough for Adora anymore.

“So, what happened?” Catra’s arms are crossed and she looks peeved, her tone snappy and upset. Adora’s not sure she can blame her.

“I saw something yesterday. Do you... do you remember those senior cadets we saw in the storage space?”

“Uh, yeah, I remember. What about it?”

Adora takes a deep breath. “Shadow Weaver... saw them.” She looks down, upset at the memory. “Caught them.”

“Oh.”

“They’re in different squadrons now,” Adora holds onto her own wrist. “And they might never see each other again.”

“Right.”

“So you understand? Why we can’t do this anymore?”

There is a dead silence in the air. Catra sighs. “No.”

Adora’s voice breaks. “Catra...”

“Who cares about them? That’s... they were probably sloppy! I mean, we caught them ages ago, so it was only a matter of time before they got caught by someone else. We’re not like them, Adora! We’re... we’re different.”

“Different _how?”_ Adora’s voice cracks. “Catra, you don’t understand. If anyone finds out, if _Shadow Weaver_ finds out–“

“You could get in trouble,” Catra scoffs, face completely devoid of joy. “Right, I get it now. Shadow Weaver could be upset that her star pupil did something she doesn’t approve of.”

“Catra, that’s not what this is about!”

“That’s what it’s _always_ been about! You would rather listen to her than choose me! I bet you even think kissing is wrong now, that kissing me was a bad thing to do.”

“Was it, Catra? When you told me kissing wasn’t anything weird, or bad, were you–“ she catches herself–“never mind. I don’t think you even knew.” If Catra did know kissing was a bad thing to do, Adora’s not sure she can even blame her for it. Catra’s lips on her mouth is still one of the greatest sensations she’s ever known. She can’t crave Catra’s lips on hers right now and judge her for wanting it too. They both messed up here.

“Sure. Keep thinking that. Because that’s all I ever do, don’t I? I get into trouble, I get _you_ into trouble— _maybe you should just stop hanging around me–“_ Catra turns to leave, in a flurry of tears, but Adora grabs her in time. She stops her.

“Catra, wait!” Adora breathes heavily, her heart pounding. “I can’t lose you, Catra. That’s it. That’s all this is about. I can’t—I don’t know what I’d do without you. _Don’t go.”_

Catra sighs, pushing her hand away. “Fine. Whatever. Who even cares, anyway.” Catra scampers away to sit at the edge, watching the world around the Horde. Adora sits next to her.

“Maybe one day, when we’re both soldiers, or... either of us become Force Captain.”

Catra snorts. It’s not the happiest snort, but she’ll take any form of expression from her right now. “We all know you have more of a chance than I ever will.”

“I’ll take you with me, Catra. Shadow Weaver won’t follow us out there. The world is so big. We could do anything. Etheria would be ours for the taking. I’m sure she won’t control us as much once we’re far enough away from the Fright Zone.” Adora takes a deep breath to ground herself. Right. Those two girls who got caught... they only got caught because they were stationed right here at the Fright Zone. And like Catra said, they were probably sloppy. Didn’t work hard enough to hide what they were doing.

“You promise?”

“We just have to work hard for it. I’ll work hard for it. I’ll get us both out of here, far, far away. We could do whatever we want! And be happy.” Adora puts her hand on Catra’s lap. “Right?”

Catra looks at her hand and for a moment, Adora realizes that it’s probably not a good idea to do this. She takes her hand off, but Catra suddenly grabs it, so now they’re just tightly holding hands.

They look at each other.

Any other time, any other safe place in the world, and they would both be leaning in right now. There’s this tension in the air.

And Adora realizes she doesn’t care. She doesn’t care if kissing Catra is wrong, she wants it. She wants it more than anything she’s ever wanted in the world, she wants it more than she wants to be Force Captain, and in this moment... becoming Force Captain would only be the means to an end. She could get far away from the Fright Zone as Force Captain. She could take Catra with her. She could kiss her softly and without worry again.

Catra shuts her eyes, and Adora knows she’s asking for just one more. One last one, before they go back to the painful way things were.

And it’s tempting. Adora wants to close her eyes and lean in too. So she tests it out, closing her eyes, but she feels so much fear, and it paralyzes her. She is too scared of what might happen, she can’t help but look over her shoulder, like Shadow Weaver could be there and everything would be ruined in an unfixable way... she pulls back.

“I’m sorry, Catra.”

Catra’s eyes open and she faces away, pulling her knees to her chin. “No. I... I get it.”

So they don’t kiss after that. And if Catra curls up at the foot of Adora’s bed more often than she should? If they fight and shove and push each other more because it makes them feel even a modicum of what they had, if Catra straddles her and Adora feels that heat between them burn hotter each time... so what? What about it? They don’t discuss the pain. It would hurt even more if they acknowledged it.

Then, a few short months later, Adora finds the sword, and everything changes. She ends up losing Catra after all.

**_three._ **

Adora... should not be staring.

They’ve just had a meeting, and Spinnerella and Netossa are leaving together to go home. They were described to her as ‘wives’ once, by Bow. When Adora asked what that meant, Glimmer simply told her ‘it means they’re married’. And then Adora felt too afraid to follow up, too afraid to say she didn’t know what ‘married’ meant either.

Spinnerella and Netossa share a quick peck on the lips, chuckling before they hold hands and stroll down the corridor together.

Adora has a feeling what she knows about kissing... isn’t all there is to it. There’s got to be more there, somehow. From what she can tell, you don’t just kiss anyone, and kissing happens between people who have... a closer relationship?

“What should we have for dinner?”

“I don’t know, but we are _definitely_ not having salad again.”

Adora didn’t really think about these things when she was in the Horde. When she was kissing Catra, all she focused on in the moment was... Catra. Kissing Catra, and how good that felt, and how soft and pliant her lips were. There was nothing to think about, really. Everything else around them would disappear. All she did was feel and sense and experience, and after they stopped... she refused to think about it at all. She only thought about what she had to do or not do to keep Catra safe. Thinking beyond that would’ve been too painful.

Now, however, under the sparkling clean ceilings of Bright Moon, she lets her mind wander. And she is so confused. Everyday she finds gaps in her knowledge. Something she never learned about or heard of during her time at the Horde.

Which breaks her heart even more about Catra. Sure, Catra knew quite a number of things that Adora didn’t. She was the one who taught Adora what a kiss was. But surely there’s a lot about Etheria that Catra’s never heard of either. And if Adora can’t convince her to leave the Horde, she probably never will.

“Adora? What are you doing?”

“Oh, hey Glimmer,” Adora gives a practiced smile.

“Are you okay? Why were you... were you staring at Spinnerella and Netossa?”

Adora tilts her head in shame. “I’m sorry, it’s just. They were kissing, and... I used to do that with someone.”

Glimmer takes her hand and gives her a reassuring look. “That’s okay, Adora. But also, you definitely have to explain and tell me _everything_ about that. Come on!”

They raid the kitchen for cookies and sweet tea, bringing the whole affair back to Glimmer’s room.

“Okay, we’re all settled in. Now you have to tell me everything!”

“Everything? About what?”

Glimmer looks at her like she’s crazy. “About the kiss, silly! Who were you kissing back at the Horde? I didn’t think you even _had_ kissing in the Horde.”

Adora scratches her head nervously. “Oh... it was nothing. Like seriously, it was nothing. But...”

“But?” Glimmer’s eyes are sparkling with anticipation.

“I used to kiss my friend... Catra.”

Glimmer looks flabbergasted at this new piece of knowledge. “Wait. Catra? Like, Catra-Catra? Catra who we’ve been fighting all this time... that Catra?”

“Yeah,” Adora says. “I mean, we were friends back then, so.”

Glimmer snorts. “Friends? Friends don’t exactly go kissing each other, Adora! Wait, or was it... Adora, did you and Catra give each other cute kisses on the cheek? Or was it full on making out?”

“What... what was that second one?”

“Uh, did you ever use tongue?”

Adora feels her face flush hot and red for some reason. “Yeah, uh, there was. There was tongue.”

“Oh my god!” Glimmer teleports and flops dramatically on her bed. “I can’t believe you’ve been _kissing_ the thing that’s been _trying_ to kill us!”

“I haven’t kissed her since _after_ she started trying to kill us!” Adora insists, feeling very wrongly accused. “In fact, we didn’t... kiss for at least a few months right up till the end. Before I left.”

“Wait, why not?” Glimmer teleports before her again. “Did you break up?”

“Break up? What does that mean?”

“Ugh...” Glimmer groans for a while. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry. It’s really sad that you didn’t learn a lot of stuff at the Horde, but uh, let me see... okay.” She takes a deep breath. “Did you and Catra get into a big fight or something? What made you... stop kissing?”

Adora shrinks at the memory. “It’s complicated. But also mostly. Very simple. Shadow Weaver... she caught two other soldiers kissing and she split them up. Sent them to different squadrons and stationed them far away from each other. I didn’t want that to happen to us. I couldn’t... lose Catra.”

“For kissing? What’s wrong with kissing?! Shadow Weaver sounds like the absolute worst! No, that plus what she did to you growing up... she’s _definitely_ the worst.”

Adora continues to relay everything that happened between her and Catra. Glimmer listens, and decides that Adora is in need of something she called... sex education? Whatever that is, Glimmer said they had a couple of books Adora could read to learn more about it at the Bright Moon Library, where there’s collections upon collections of books and knowledge. Glimmer also told her there’s a lot of other things Adora can read up on too, to learn about Etheria and other stuff they didn’t teach at the Horde.

“Adora... are you sure you and Catra were just friends?” Glimmer asks a last time. “Because from what you’re telling me, it really sounds like the two of you were... together. Like, dating together. I know you didn’t know what that was at the time, but–“

“No, that’s not what we were,” Adora interrupts with haste. “We were...” but then her voice trails off, and it is now apparent that even Adora herself doesn’t really know what they were. Catra... means the world to her, meant the world to her. But when you look at things even closer, ask for more details, Adora has none to spare. As it stands, the extent and nature of her and Catra’s relationship... it is both very simple and yet very complicated at the same time.

A few weeks later, something interesting happens.

Adora’s in the courtyard by herself, lying on the grass. It’s one of those days, you know? And uh, if she’s being honest, Bow and Glimmer are essentially forcing her to take things slow for a bit after everything that happened at Mystacor. All her paranoia was rooted in truth after all, but she still exhausted herself throughout the ordeal, from the lack of sleep, and the fighting with Shadow Weaver and her demons...

“Hey, Princess.”

She’s gazing at the sky when she hears it, and her mind fades it out at first, dismissing it as remnants from Shadow Weaver’s sabotage, her control.

But then Catra jumps out from a tree and lands before her. Adora gasps, sitting up in shock.

“Oh my god! Catra?” She blinks her eyes once, twice. “Is this... is this real?”

Catra gives her a strange look. “Uh, Adora?”

“Sorry,” Adora apologizes instinctively, rubbing her head. Maybe she should’ve slept in her room after all, no matter how unnatural it feels to sleep during the day. “Shadow Weaver, she–“

“Oh,” she looks guilty, rubbing her arm while avoiding eye contact. “I... I know.”

Adora narrows her eyes at Catra. Of course she knows. Catra’s still part of the Horde. She’s even a Force Captain now, as she so proudly declared during their last fight. She was probably in on the whole thing, she probably—wait.

“What are you doing here?”

Adora reaches behind for her sword, readying herself for an attack that never comes. Catra snorts and puts herself in an even more vulnerable position, sitting down lazily with her legs spread apart, one of them bent at the knee, propping her arm up.

“Relax. I’m not here to fight,” she leans against a nearby rock and looks around the place.

Adora lets go of her defensive hold and takes in the scene. Catra’s... not here to fight? But, she’s always—she’s been trying to—she... Adora watches in silence for a few more seconds as Catra’s eyes scan the exterior of Bright Moon. Her face isn’t all that readable, but for a moment it looks almost as if she’s admiring the place.

“If you’re not here to fight... what are you doing here?”

She can’t help the optimism in her voice, or the wistfulness spreading from her heart. There’s no way. It can’t be. Catra can’t be here for no reason, right? Unless? Adora looks at her with hopeful eyes, holding her breath. She purses her lip tightly.

“I’m not here to join you or your stupid rebellion either, so stop looking at me like that.”

Adora scoffs, a little embarrassed at being exposed like this. “Okay, so, what are you doing here, then?” she snaps, a little more hostile than she should be, but Catra’s insistence on staying with the Horde, it bothers her. It bothers her that Catra would choose to do evil over good, but if she’s being honest, the thing that really bothers her is that Catra would rather stay with the Horde than come with her. “If you’re not here to join us, you’re an enemy of the Rebellion. Give me _one reason_ why I shouldn’t take you prisoner right now. One reason why I shouldn’t call the guards.”

Catra crosses her legs now, her expression hardening, no longer looking as carefree.

“I don’t... know.”

Adora gulps. Now, this is not something she expected. She’s not sure what she expected, honestly. For Catra to run away? To laugh in her face? To capture her? She’s not sure whether these things would be more painful than what she’s currently witnessing.

“Is everything... okay?” Adora asks, unsure if she should get closer. “Are you... doing okay?”

“I’m _fine_ ,” Catra says with a toughened voice. “It’s none of your business.”

Adora starts to worry. She can’t help herself, her mind runs wild. “Catra, did–“ she inhales deeply, putting her hand on top of Catra’s–“is she hurting you?”

Catra winces, then stills for a moment. She scoffs. “Whatever,” she swats Adora’s hand away. “It’s not like you even care.” Her eyes dart around the area. “This was a mistake. I’m gonna go.”

She starts to get up and Adora’s mind goes into overdrive. She makes a mad grab for Catra, wrapping her arms around her legs. In her haste, and because Catra sees this as some sort of attack, it prompts her to work even harder to leave. They get into a weird scuffle and it ends with Adora pinning her to the ground, her knees on either side of Catra’s waist. She’s pushing against Catra’s wrists, both of them trying to gain the upper hand.

“Catra, of course I care! I never stopped caring!” Adora blurts out in desperation as Catra struggles against her.

Catra’s eyes widen at her words, and they blink blankly up at her. She stops fighting. Adora heaves, watching Catra, who’s still... under her. She starts to feel a little embarrassed. She’s read quite a few books by now, and she knows... their position isn’t exactly innocent. And given the feelings currently welling up in Adora’s stomach, she knows _for sure_ that it isn’t innocent on her end.

She clears her throat, letting go of her hands. “I... I’m sorry.”

Catra’s expression tightens in fury, remembering what they are now. “If you’re so sorry, get off me and let me _go_ , you idiot–“

“No! I mean...” Adora stops herself with a sigh. “Wait, just...” she reaches behind to take her sword, tossing it a good distance away. Perhaps being unarmed will be more reassuring. “Please... could you not leave just yet? I won’t... I won’t fight you, or make you do anything, just...” she sighs, but she doesn’t need words to be understood.

Catra slumps her head back on the grass. “Whatever. Fine. Now can you please get off me?”

Hesitantly, Adora moves away, and to her relief, Catra doesn’t try to escape again. She just sits there, arms crossed, exhaling, looking a bit awkward. And she’s right to be, because the situation _is_ kind of awkward. Adora’s not sure why she asked her to stay, and it’s not like Catra wants to join the Rebellion. Hopefully, Catra doesn’t ask her why, since she can barely explain it herself. Adora just. Couldn’t stand the thought of her leaving.

“Do you... can I get you anything to drink?” she offers in a desperate attempt to fill the silence. She can’t do nothing, or Catra will start to wonder why she agreed to stay again.

Catra gives her a weird look. “Huh?”

“I uh, I’ve got some fruit punch, some sandwiches–“ Adora clears her throat, pointing at the tray she’s got set up next to a tree–“I... I was supposed to rest today, but I didn’t wanna stay in my room, so... Glimmer made sure I had something so I didn’t get hungry.”

“Oh, right. Your new best friend. So _glad_ to see that she’s taking good care of you,” Catra responds, the words sarcastically rolling off her tongue. “Forget it. I don’t want any.”

Adora nods, feeling her mouth go a bit dry. “Okay. Of course, you don’t have to... but, uh, now that I think about it, I am kind of thirsty, and also hungry, so, I’m just gonna, just gonna go–“

She runs over to the tree for her tray of food and drinks and hears Catra snicker at her. She makes nothing of it at first, but when she walks back to Catra, tray in hand, the sight hits her like a tidal wave. Because for all that is good in the world... seeing Catra laugh and look genuinely happy heals Adora better than a hundred naps ever could. As it turns out, she misses Catra more than she can imagine, more than she can even begin to understand. She misses Catra even though she’s sitting right here. Perhaps Catra just has the prettiest laugh in the world, and perhaps her smile is something Adora can’t go without.

“You’re such an idiot,” Catra looks even more relaxed now, shaking her head, and it’s hard not to just break into the biggest grin and stare at her.

“I’m just hungry!” Adora argues instead, remembering why she brought this tray here, and she starts eating, chomping down on sandwiches with a breakneck speed. “And thirsty,” she garbles through her full mouth, before hosing it all down with copious amounts of fruit punch.

“Jeez, slow down,” Catra snorts at the sight, and Adora tries, but she can’t really hold back. Especially not since she’s gotten a taste of real, actual good food. She’s had a hard time controlling herself. “If you choke, I’m just gonna let you die, y’know. Save the Horde a whole lot of trouble.”

Adora rolls her eyes, scowling, and slowing down out of spite now. “Well, too bad for you. I’m not choking. I’m not gonna choke on any of this.”

“Uh huh, we’ll see about that,” Catra absentmindedly reaches out for one of the sandwiches. She eats it in tiny bites, at a much slower speed than Adora, but her eyebrows raise after tasting the food. “Hm.”

Adora can’t help herself, her mind is buzzing at the sight. “I thought you said you didn’t want any.”

Catra immediately gets defensive. “And I don’t, okay? But, come on, this is way too much food for one person. If I let you eat all of this by yourself, your stomach’s gonna explode.”

Adora snorts. “And? I thought you wanted me to die.”

Catra rolls her eyes, groaning. “ _How_ are you this stupid?”

“And _how_ are you such a big liar?” Adora playfully smirks. “Just admit that you’re hungry and that these sandwiches taste good.”

“I’m not!” Catra leans closer in her frustration. “And it doesn’t!”

“Okay,” Adora doesn’t pull back from their close proximity. She takes advantage of it, actually. “Then give it back!”

“No!”

Adora lunges for Catra and she pulls her hand away, protecting the half-eaten sandwich at all cost. They start laughing at some point, as Adora desperately reaches for a sandwich she doesn’t even want and Catra plays keep away. Eventually, Adora gives up, too overwhelmed by her wheezing to believably keep up this game, and Catra is cackling just as hard.

The exuberant noises slowly die out and Adora watches as Catra pops what’s left of the sandwich back in her mouth, chewing on it. She swallows with a satisfied look. “Okay fine, maybe it does taste kinda good.”

Adora stays silent. Catra is straddling her, right now, and she’s missed being in this position. For some reason, she’s not as embarrassed this time around, a different emotion taking over. She thinks back to all the times Catra would hop off the top bunk, climbing over Adora and leaning down for a kiss. Adora would do the same when she paid visits to Catra’s bed above her. She loved feeling Catra on top of her just as she loved being on top of Catra. Because it was Catra, it was always Catra that she was kissing.

It’s only the two of them here, and it feels like the world around them doesn’t exist. It always felt like this actually, even back when they were in the Horde. Despite being so trapped there, sharing a kiss always set them free.

But there’s something a bit more freeing about getting straddled by Catra in a wide green pasture, no other person in sight. No one who could possibly stop them. Adora stares at Catra’s mouth, and she feels her insides burn when Catra casually licks a crumb off her lip. She actually groans at the sight, and then Catra looks down at her, seeing the expression on her face.

Adora sits up at an angle, bringing her body closer to Catra’s. She gives this little exhale, and her fingers trail along Adora’s hips. And it feels just. So good to be touched like this again. To be touched by Catra again, and she involuntarily lets out a sigh of pleasure. When Catra gulps, she can no longer help herself.

She holds onto Catra’s face with both hands and leans in for a kiss. Catra grabs onto her wrist, kissing back, and the feeling of this nearly gives Adora a fever. She drinks in Catra’s lips more desperately than she eats, but savors their kiss all the same, like a last meal, like her last favorite meal.

They are making out. This is a make out session, as described to her by Glimmer, and Catra tastes like the sandwiches they were both eating, and of something else uniquely her, that Adora can’t get enough of.

“Mm,” Adora moans softly, needy and wanting more, breathing Catra in. Catra pulls her in closer, and the heat between them builds up, burning deliciously. “Catra...” she murmurs against her lips, and Catra’s breath hitches at her name being called, whispered like a prayer from Adora’s insistent mouth.

Catra’s hands are on her back, not to inflict pain but to run hungrily up and down and in other directions. She gasps as they kiss, so sloppy, so messy. It feels like they would rather die than stop, but like all good things, it ends.

The kiss is over. It flew past them so fast, and now they pull apart, panting, gasping for air. Because they kissed each other faster than they could bother to breathe, and maybe they haven’t done this in a while, so they don’t do it right, but Adora doesn’t care. She just wants to do it again and again, and again.

As they catch their breath, their senses begin to return too. More so for Catra than for Adora, but the adrenaline fades and Catra seems to realize what she’s just done. She shoves Adora away, inching back, scrambling to get up.

“What... what was that?” she swallows, looking almost horrified. Which Adora isn’t sure she gets. Catra looked all sorts of hot and heavy before they kissed. Catra wipes her lips away with the back of her hand, as if to get rid of Adora’s taste. “Why did you kiss me?”

Her voice is snappy and on edge. It is, a little bit cute. A little bit funny. Catra is clearly very. Serious? About this? But Adora can’t help it. She breaks out into a small giggle.

“Why did you kiss back?” she retorts with a smirk. The kind she knows Catra hates, because of how cocky she looks when she does it.

Catra scratches at her own arms, like she’s trying to remove Adora’s touch, or her scent, or something. “I don’t... I don’t know.”

She doesn’t lighten up or get annoyed, which starts to genuinely worry Adora. “Hey... are you okay? Was... was the kiss bad? You didn’t hate it, right?”

Catra lets out a snort, which relaxes Adora for a moment. “No, idiot. I didn’t–“ she sighs–“the kiss was... fine. But, why would you even kiss me? I said I wasn’t coming with you. I said I wasn’t going to leave the Horde.”

Adora frowns at the reminder. “I know. I just... I just wanted to, I guess. I did it because I could.”

“Because you... could?”

“Yes, Catra, because I could,” she takes a deep breath. “Because Shadow Weaver isn’t here to stop me and because I don’t care what she thinks. I’m—I won’t say I’m not scared of her—but I’m definitely a lot less scared than I was... back at the Horde. All those times I told you no, because I was afraid... I don’t have be anymore.” She takes a pause, moving in close, touching Catra’s wrist. “And neither do you. All those times we had to hold ourselves back, we don’t have to do that now! You don’t have to feel scared. You don’t have to stay with the Horde. You don’t have to be Force Captain. If you come with me... you could kiss me whenever you wanted to.”

She watches Catra’s face go blank in thought, but then her eyes harden and she shoves Adora’s hands away. She thinks her heart might break.

“Who says I want that? You, you think your kisses are that special? Oh, give me a break,” Catra huffs, looking strangely wounded. “I can see through your stupid act. You’re not as good at manipulating people as you think you are. I’m not scared of _anyone_ , okay? And I don’t need your pity kisses, Princess,” she nearly spits that last bit, and it feels like something sharp and heavy is pressing down on her chest, harder and harder until Adora can barely breathe.

“Catra, it’s not pity–“ she barely manages to eek out as her eyes burn wet–“I’m not trying to–“

“Save it,” Catra says with a finality. “I meant what I said. I’m going back to the Horde."

“Catra, please, wait!” Adora desperately begs through the tears, blinking repeatedly so they stop clouding her vision.

But it’s too late. Catra’s already gone. Perhaps Adora shouldn’t have cared for someone who is so good at running away. But feelings are a funny thing, you see. She can’t even begin to describe the depth and extent of her feelings for Catra... but they are there, and these emotions are killing her.

A few days later, Adora is in a dress and without her sword and chasing Catra all over the place at Princess Prom.

“Is this what love feels like?”

Adora finds herself angry and restless and this close to snapping. She clenches her fist so hard her hand nearly goes numb. She’s not sure what pisses her off more. Catra. Catra’s suit. Catra’s obvious desire to pull something at this party that could endanger so many people. Catra’s disdain for Adora’s feelings, how easy it was for her to dismiss what they had as nothing special, how Adora probably showed her hand too early, and now Catra is throwing Adora’s feelings in her face. Mocking her for them. Making her jealous on purpose, because she knows she can. And it works.

Later on, they dance. Adora hates how much she enjoys it, right up to when Catra proves her right, that she is at this party for nefarious reasons. Because that’s all they are now. They won’t see each other unless Catra has a nasty trick up her sleeve she wants to hurt Adora with.

And Adora could deal with that, if Catra would just leave her friends out of it.

Moments later, Adora is pulling Catra in by the shirt. She did it to save her life, but in that moment, she feels the urge to kiss her return, even though it’s a bad idea. But the cliff they tether on the edge of makes the decision for her. They fall, Adora catches them, and Catra lets go, falling into safety, holding up her unconscious friends with a smirk on her face.

And Adora shouldn’t still want to kiss her. Especially not in this moment. But God help her, as much as she hates the thought, she wants to wipe that smirk off Catra’s face with her own.

**_four._ **

It seems ridiculous that Adora can dream every night of a person she’s supposed to hate now, a person she doesn’t even talk to that much or see all that often. Especially, not since the portal. Not after Catra nearly ended the world.

Adora swears she’s given up on Catra. For real this time. She’s done trying to redeem her, she’s done trying to get Catra to be a good person. Not seeing Catra? Unless it’s completely necessary like, say, when Adora defeats the Horde and takes Catra down? It’s good for her. Staying away from Catra is healthier, now that their relationship is in tatters.

It doesn’t mean she’s any happier though. No, she’s in agony, actually.

So yes, she doesn’t hate Catra. She’s given up trying to convince herself she does. Still, she shouldn’t want her so much. She shouldn’t love her as much as she does. It’s like a dirty little secret, and sometimes it’s shameful, to be leading the Rebellion like she is, to have to look everyone in their faces and promise them she’ll win their war with the Horde, that she’ll defeat Catra—only to think about her lips at night.

The dreams change all the time. Sometimes they are memories. Sometimes they are things that have never happened. Sometimes it is a mix, and her dream will start off with something familiar and then change, the ending something entirely different from what she knows it to be. Sometimes they are happy, holding hands, laughing, kissing like it’s their last. Together. Sometimes she wakes up crying. Weirdly, the happy dreams hurt more, and leave her feeling emptier when she wakes, making her just that bit more strange the whole day.

Tonight, Adora dreams of Catra straddling her in this bed, sitting on top of her in that new look of hers. That disturbingly attractive outfit, which Adora hates to think about, hates how good it looks on Catra. How pretty Catra looks. How much it makes Adora want to reach out and touch...

But it’s not real. And Adora would like to stop dreaming about this now please, even if her dreams aren’t always within her control.

“Go away. I know you’re not real. I want a different dream.”

She hears Catra’s giggle ring a little too real, a little too familiar. And this is when she realizes it. The weight pressing her hips down from above is real.

“Aw, Princess. You’ve been dreaming about me?”

Her fight or flight instinct activates, and she swings her pillow dagger at Catra, springing up from her lying position.

Catra yelps, dodging the attack and nearly falling off the bed. “Woah!” she snorts and chortles loudly at Adora. “You sleep with a knife under your pillow? So paranoid.”

Adora scoffs, gesturing at their situation. “Well, why do you think?!"

“Right,” Catra shrugs, sneering at her. “Guess I can’t blame you.”

Adora swipes at Catra again, and Catra flips off her bed this time, meaning Adora has to get up and chase after her, fighting her in her semi-conscious state. It’s not very effective, obviously, and at some point Catra kicks her in the chest. This causes Adora to drop her weapon, stumbling backwards. Catra picks up the knife, slamming Adora against the wall. She holds the blade against her throat, clamping her mouth shut. And she smirks deviously.

“I could end it all here you know,” Catra rasps in a slow, husky voice. It makes Adora’s head spin. “Take out the Rebellion’s hero. It would all be over.”

Adora bites down on her lip. Her tired expression hardens. “Go ahead then,” she challenges Catra. “Do it.”

For a moment, she is scared. Daring her sworn enemy to kill her while she’s got a knife to her throat probably isn’t the best idea. Then again, Adora is tired and perhaps a tiny bit delirious. She is not here to make good decisions. Perhaps getting killed by Catra wouldn’t be the worst way to go. Maybe it could end Catra’s resentment and hatred of her, and she would stop waging war against the Rebellion. Perhaps that is all it would take. The Horde is nothing without Catra anyway.

Catra tightens her grip on the dagger, holding it even closer, and Adora holds her breath, shutting her eyes. Is this it then? Is this how it all ends? But she hears Catra sigh and release her hold on her. She tosses the dagger aside and Adora doesn’t die.

A smile finds its way onto her face. She can’t help it, she feels this familiar energy creep in, and she gives a bit of a triumphant chuckle.

“I knew you couldn’t do it,” she says, but it’s a bit of a lie too, because she’s not sure she knows what Catra is and isn’t capable of anymore. It’s still fun to tease her though, and perhaps teasing her is what she needs for her sanity. Yes, Adora knows the right thing to do here would be to scream for help and get Catra captured. Fight Catra into submission and imprison her in order to move one step further in the process of winning this war. But tonight, she just wants to be a little bit stupid. A little bit reckless.

Catra crosses her arms, rolling her eyes. “I was never going to do it like that, idiot.”

Warmth blooms in Adora’s heart. She wants to say something, say anything, but she just smiles and lets the moment hang in the air. Lets her face burn with sentiment as she pines for a moment. Because she’s exhausted and a little less morally upright when Catra’s inches away from her, looking... the way she does tonight.

All of a sudden, Catra’s back in Adora’s space again, pressing their hips together and pulling her in for a kiss.

It’s not something Adora expects. But she’s not about to start asking questions. Against all better judgement, Adora kisses back, like she’ll die if she doesn’t, her hands creeping around Catra’s waist, pulling her closer. Catra kisses her with the desperation of a drowning woman, begging to be saved by Adora’s lips. Each gasp of air against her mouth a plea, every finger they pull through each other’s hair, hanging on for dear life.

There is this beautiful familiarity and comfort in running her hands through Catra’s hair. Those gray tufts gone, her hair just that bit longer, but still so wonderfully untamed. She smells like hickory, oak, and sleep. Like she’s just been in the Whispering Woods, which is likely the route she took here.

Catra pulls Adora’s hair tie off. She snorts at the confused look on her face, tousling her hair a little bit.

“Stop sleeping with your hair tied up,” she nags, and then leans in again.

Adora feels her heart beat fast, and her adrenaline runs in a better way than it has in a long time. Running around fighting and taking down evil tends to give her a rush, but it does not hold a candle to the mess of emotions she’s feeling now. Catra parts her lips and Adora’s tongue slips in immediately, tasting something familiar and addicting in her mouth.

She pushes against her a bit, barely aware that she’s backing Catra up towards her bed, and neither of them notice until the back of her legs hit the mattress.

This breaks the kiss, and Catra snorts. “You’re not that sneaky.”

Adora’s about to argue and protest that she was not trying to get Catra into her bed at all, when Catra shoves her back against the wall, holding her in place by the chest.

And then she starts to lace kisses on Adora’s neck. She openly moans at the sensation of it, and Catra licks a tiny stripe up her jugular, which makes her ache.

“Catra...” Adora gasps as Catra sucks at the skin there, putting pressure on it, and the feeling of her teeth doesn’t cut or hurt her, but it does send a spike of pleasure throughout her body.

Catra’s kisses move from her neck to her collarbone, and dips down to the top of Adora’s chest. She licks at the line separating her breasts, sending a chill up her spine. Adora’s breath hitches, and she lets out a cry.

Catra brings her face back up to eye level, smirking at Adora. She doesn’t say anything and kisses her slow on the lips again. This time, her hand slips under the hem of Adora’s tank top, sliding up her midriff. She has to press her legs together to clamp down on the gnawing need she feels, stiffening at Catra’s traveling fingers. They stop right underneath her breasts, just barely brushing against them.

She stops kissing Adora for a moment. Her lips move to her ear.

_“Tell me you want it.”_

The whispered words send shockwaves through Adora’s body. She pants slightly, her lips shaking.

“Catra... please...”

Her hand curls around Adora’s breast and she squeezes it experimentally, fingers brushing over her nipple. A needy whine rips from her throat, and she swallows with want. Catra’s never touched her like this, and it would be a lie to say she’s never wanted it, it would be a lie to say she’s never thought about this. She wants this moment to stay in place forever. She’s not sure what she will feel like when it ends.

Catra makes slow circles over the peak of her breast and swallows Adora’s moans with her kiss. Catra’s leg slots in between Adora’s, her thigh pressing against her crotch. Adora presses back, desperate for some friction, some pressure. The heat between her legs is killing her.

“Please...” she feels giddy. “I...” She wants to touch Catra too, and she does, reaching for her chest. She finds the unclothed little diamond in her outfit, tracing her fingers up and down the skin there, feeling her chest heave, and stiffen slightly.

Adora’s not sure what to do here, because Catra’s outfit is a bit hard to figure out. She doesn’t exactly have the energy to piece it together either. It’s not as simple as the tank top and shorts she’s wearing, it’s not like Catra’s got a t-shirt on that she can just pull off with ease. Catra’s outfit is tight all over and taut in some places. But she has to try. Adora reaches for something and ends up snapping her pants. Catra yelps and it makes Adora laugh for a moment.

“Why can’t you just wear a crop top or something?” she complains with a little frustration.

Catra huffs, annoyed. “ _You_ wear a crop top,” she retorts with snark. “I worked hard on this, okay?”

“You really made this yourself? Wow.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?!”

“Nothing! Uh... you’ve really got a sense of style. But I–“

Catra’s hand slides down her groin, fingers first, and Adora’s words cut off with a squeak. She shuts up after that, because of the contact, and lets out a shuddering breath, shutting her eyes, willing Catra to do more.

“You were saying?” she smirks, proud of herself for having the upper hand. She switches it up and starts dragging two knuckles over Adora’s arousal, teasing her in the most painful way.

Adora groans, leaning into Catra’s touch, and trying to level the playing field by reaching for Catra too, sliding her hand up her inner thigh. Catra’s voice catches in her throat, and it pays off so much to hear her pretty, strangled moan.

Catra reaches for the waistband of Adora’s shorts, and she thinks this is it, Catra’s finally going to touch her, right where she wants her most, and it’s going to feel so good–

They hear this loud knocking sound, and it makes the both of them jump. Their eyes flick over to the door immediately, and Catra scampers away behind a curtain. Adora holds her breath, for some reason feeling just as scared, like she’s the one who’s not supposed to be here. Or rather, scared that she will get caught kissing and harboring Catra, someone who she’s not supposed to kiss or harbor at all. Someone who she’s not supposed to have feelings for. Someone who she’s not allowed to love in the most painful and desperate of ways.

Nothing happens. No one’s at the door, no one tries to enter Adora’s room. Adora hopes that wasn’t a ghost. That would be scary.

Ignoring the ghost thoughts, she decides to focus on the fact that no one tried to come in, and sighs a little in relief. She proceeds behind the curtain to find Catra in that little hiding spot, all curled up.

“Hey... Catra? It’s okay, you can come out now.”

She helps Catra up, and in doing so takes a good look at her face, like really looks in close because there’s a better night light where they’re standing right now, and she sees it. Catra looks so... tired. She’s never seen Catra this ragged, ever. And for a moment her heart tightens, sours. And for a moment she forgets everything else. She just wants to bury Catra in her arms and tell her to stop what she’s doing to herself. Because it hurts too much to look at.

Catra blinks at Adora then sighs, her eyes shutting in... regret? Despair? Exhaustion? Adora wants to hold Catra close and maybe even hug her again but Catra’s already pushing her aside.

“Catra, wait–“ she pulls her back to face her–“don’t–“

She doesn’t want this moment to end yet. She always knew it was fleeting. She always knew it was too good to be true. She’s barely able to hold onto the fact that any of this had been real, had happened.

She wants to kiss Catra just a bit more. Just one more soft kiss, would that be too much to ask?

 _“This never happened,”_ Catra warns her, with a pained voice.

“I know,” Adora gulps, biting her lip. Her throat is souring and her chest is tightening. Great. “This never happened, so can we... one last time?”

Catra doesn’t resist, so Adora pulls her close, and she’s already convinced herself to wake up tomorrow and write this off as a dream. She tells Catra as such.

“This is a dream,” she says. “Or a nightmare, if you want. It doesn’t have to be real if we don’t want it to be, so please–“

Catra pulls Adora in, and for a moment she thinks it worked, and she shuts her eyes. Catra’s lips brush barely against hers before she shoves her away again with a resistant “no”, turning around.

“I should’ve stayed away.”

“Catra?”

She leaps into the night again, moving from the ground to the window she climbed in from and then she’s gone too fast, too far away, for Adora to call out or beg for her to come back in any capacity. Not without waking the whole of Bright Moon up.

She trudges back to her bed, sits in it, and sighs. She needs to get her head straight. She shouldn’t be asking Catra to stay anymore. Catra’s made her case clear, she’s shown how ugly her colors can be. Adora should stop yearning for her anyway. She needs to see Catra for what she is, and what she’s going to do. Not for what Catra was. Not for what Catra could be. And not even, for what Catra just did. Not even for the broken look on her face.

Adora’s always thought one of her biggest flaws was that, when it came down to it, she couldn’t really hurt Catra. She could never really kill her. But maybe... just maybe... Catra shares that flaw.

But so what? What does that mean for them? What does it matter if Catra can hold a knife to Adora’s throat and toss it aside anyway, even though they’re enemies on opposing sides of a long, long war? What does it mean for them if Catra can kiss her and suddenly all her pain is just hanging in the balance, something she cannot feel while their lips touch?

Adora swears she is done, though. Inability to kill her when given the chance aside, Catra is still leading the Horde in all of its atrocities. Sneaking into her room in the middle of the night and making out with her against the wall does not mean Catra is leaving the Horde to join the Rebellion, and be with Adora. Catra simply refuses to be a good person, and it’s not Adora’s job to change that. No matter how sad and tired she looks. No matter how hurt and traumatized. She just has to stop Catra, and take her down.

But right now, she has other problems.

Adora is still... aroused. It’s not as severe as it was earlier, when Catra was pressed up against her, teasing her skin and kissing her silly. But their time together thrust this titillating need upon her, and it’s an issue she has to... take care of. Feeling this persistent ache between her legs, and knowing it will not go away so quickly, it almost stresses her out.

She’s going to have to do this, she supposes. It’s not something she does all that often. She’s read about it, had some awkward conversations with Glimmer about it, in which Glimmer was very helpful and open, Adora was the one feeling shame. But a need is a need, and Adora shouldn’t be ashamed about taking care of herself.

What’s so shameful is the things that come to mind when she does this. Touches herself. What’s so shameful is that only the thought of Catra can get her off. Fantasizing about Catra, thinking about what she wants to do to Catra, what she wants Catra to do to her...

Yes, she knows it’s wrong. And yes, she’s tried to avoid it. She once attempted to masturbate whilst thinking about the darkness, and another time she tried doing it while looking at the ceiling decorations in her room. Neither of these attempts worked, and she gave up in the end, letting her thoughts sink into desire.

She sighs, lying in bed and pulling the covers over her body. Steadily, she slips her hand down her shorts, dipping a finger between her folds. She bites her lip upon feeling just how stupid wet she is. Great. She’s never been this wet before, not without touching herself first. But this is the sickening effect Catra has on her. She makes her want more than she deserves to have. More than she gets to have.

Adora shuts her eyes, and slowly begins rubbing her clit, letting her mind wander. It’s a wonderful sensation, making up for the ghost of Catra’s touch. Her arousal is like a firmly tied knot between her legs, and by moving her finger around she unravels it. Wanting to feel more, she puts her free hand up her shirt, drawing quick circles over her nipple the way Catra had touched her, played with her earlier. She wishes Catra were still here, doing all this touching so Adora wouldn’t have to.

The reminder that this isn’t the touch she craves brings a sour note to all of this. Her hands are familiar but she so badly wants the unpredictability of Catra’s hands. Instead, she has to pretend. That her hands are Catra’s hands. That her touch is Catra’s touch. Trick herself into that somehow, until this starts to feel so good it won’t matter that she’s not being touched by her.

What would Catra do to her if she were here?

A fun thought. Especially with all the things Adora knows now. Catra’s never done half of the things they got up to just now. It was so very spur of the moment, and the more she thinks about it, the crazier it feels.

Catra shoved her against a wall and kissed her. Not just on the lips, not just on the face, but on her neck, on her collarbone. She gave Adora what might become a hickey tomorrow. Adora would wonder about where she learnt all these new moves, but she stamps down on the thought. They haven’t kissed like that, been together like that, in ages. It’s best not to dwell on what they both know now and how they know it. But Catra, oh Catra. She touched Adora’s breasts, she made her beg for it, and she was going to slip her hand down Adora’s pants...

How would Catra continue from there before they were interrupted? By... no one?

They had been against the wall, and Catra would probably slide her fingers over Adora’s clit, like she is doing now, and massage it, pressing her against the wall.

And they were talking a bit before, too, whispering things here and there in between the hot and heavy stuff. Some of it was giggly banter, some of it was bickering. What would Catra say here?

Ideally, she’d be apologizing for all the things she’s done wrong and pledging herself to the Rebellion—but that’s not the focus here. Adora’s trying to get off sexually, not emotionally. She should be thinking about Catra, hand between her legs and getting her off. Or perhaps, for a change of pace, they would be in Adora’s bed here, Catra’s face in between her legs. Using that delightful tongue and those dexterous fingers to get her off.

Then again... who’s to say she can’t do both?

_“Hey, Adora. I’m going to join the Rebellion and be your best friend again,” Catra would drawl in that beautiful voice of hers. “The only thing I’m gonna destroy from now on is this–“ and she would lower herself between Adora’s legs, driving her tongue up her labia._

Oh, yes. Oh that works in the strangest way. That really hits the spot. Adora loves it. She decides to keep going, biting her lip to keep the moaning to a bare minimum.

_“I’m so sorry for everything,” the Catra of her mind says. “I promise I’ll help you fix everything,” she would say while sweetly holding her hips down, kissing her way from her breasts to her navel. And she would giggle in that addictive way she does, all for Adora. And she would be happy. They would both be._

Okay, she’s had her fill. That’s enough projecting for now. Adora continues to imagine the physical things Catra would do to her. It mostly devolves into Catra gripping onto her thighs, sucking hard on her clit, or maybe sticking her fingers in, like Adora is doing to herself now, curling them upwards, lightly thrusting.

“Catra...” she murmurs her name, falling forbidden from her lips, and just by calling her name Adora feels this rush, and her thoughts get more disorganized and messy. She switches her hand over to the other breast, trying to give that attention too as she goes back to just rubbing her clit again, going faster this time.

She wonders briefly, like she has on previous occasions, what Catra would really do if they were in bed together. Would Catra tease her? Going fast then slow, laughing in Adora’s face as she squirmed, all in good nature of course. Would she make Adora beg again? Would she hold her down or pin her hands above her head, punishing her if she misbehaved or played it dirty?

She wonders what she would do to Catra. Would she figure out how to get that tight outfit off of her body, or sit back a little and demand that Catra strip it off herself, watching in anticipation? She sighs at the thought of seeing Catra naked again, quickly remembering all the showers they used to take together. How beautiful and stunning Catra was. How beautiful and stunning she would look in Adora’s bed, catering to her every want and whim.

Oh to discover how Catra would really behave in bed. To find what makes her tick, to get her face between Catra’s legs, to play and discover, how Catra might react. The things she would say, the way she would say it, the full range of sounds she would make.

Adora moves faster and faster, her hips bucking slightly as she feels her climax approach. She is a little rough in her touch, her breathing ragged and harder to come by, her other hand gripping the sheets, twisting it slightly in her fist. And then her release hits her, the sensations spreading all over in an instant, and Adora feels her body shudder. She pants as she continues to slowly circle her clit until the intense feelings of pleasure fade out.

Briefly, Adora wonders if she should do it again, go for a second round. But her fingers curl up and she sighs, pulling her hand out from her shorts. That’s enough for now. She’s let herself have enough. She’s let herself want enough.

She rolls over and goes to sleep.

If she remembers this tomorrow morning, it won’t matter. Just one more memory she’ll have to suppress then.

Although, a part of her selfishly doesn’t want to forget. No matter how much this all hurts, no matter how agonizing it was to be crushed by disappointment as Catra once again ran, leaving her hanging. She doesn’t want to lose the feeling of Catra’s body warm and eager against her. She doesn’t want to lose the kiss that touched her lips, one she hasn’t felt in so long. She felt her lowest lows and her highest highs tonight.

Maybe that will balance it all out.

The next night, she does it again, and is only a tiny bit embarrassed about it. She continues to hardly ever see Catra, and it seems Catra really will go out of her way to avoid seeing her, sending bots or soldiers or some other nonsense, instead of fighting her herself, meeting her herself.

Those quiet little moments at night almost become a sort of revenge. But in the end, who is she hurting? Who is she helping? It’s both her. It’s all Adora.

**_five._ **

She could stare at her back all day.

And to be honest, Adora kind of has. Catra made new clothes for herself, shortly after they got Horde Prime off their trail, after Catra decided to stay. Their ship has just been flying through space now, taking them home, and all they can do is wait. It’s a bit of a relief, actually.

It’s been wonderful to have Catra back in her life again, finally, as her friend, and not her enemy. Adora had no idea it would feel this good, and a part of it is like falling back into old habits.

They chase each other around again, running all over the ship, laughing and screaming at the tops of their voices. A part of it is more carefree than they used to be, because no one will stop them from playing, messing around. No one will scold them for being too loud, or too happy. In fact, Bow and Glimmer only add to the noise when they join in on the fun. And what’s more fun than when Catra and Adora tease each other, mess with each other, make fun of each other? It either results in more giggles or a playful bout of roughhousing, tussling, rolling around. Or both, because who’s making the rules? When they’ve tired themselves out, from playing or training or both, they join the others for a rousing meal, full of chitchat and laughs. Their eyes meet ever so often, whether they’re sitting side by side, or across from each other. They look at each other with the softest smiles.

Old habits, like she said, except these old habits have taken a new, freer spin. They’ve found themselves in a safe bubble, hanging out in Mara’s ship. Adora knows these carefree times will end the moment they return to Etheria, but she decides not to think about that for now.

Instead, she wonders what other old habits they could fall back into. Actually, she can think of one. It’s a habit that they indulged in even as enemies. And Adora wonders whether it would be weird for them to kiss again. Because they’ve just started fixing things between them, just starting to become friends again. And some of it feels so effortless and easy, but the things they leave unsaid are so very hard and unbearable.

For example, watching Catra prance around the ship with that diamond-shaped hole in the front and now back of her outfit... Adora has no idea how to handle it. How is everyone else on the ship just pretending they’re fine with it? Or is Adora the only one bothered? How is everyone just _okay_ with seeing Catra in her new haircut, making her look attractive in ways Adora’s not used to, tugging harder at her heartstrings because of how unfairly good she looks?

Right now, she’s watching Catra open their closet, looking for sleepwear. Yes, Adora followed Catra here, because it’s almost time for bed, and they’re here to get their sleepwear so they can change into it. In their room. The one... that they’re sharing on this ship. The one with only one bed. Honestly, Adora should be standing next to Catra right now, taking her clothes and walking back to their room, instead of trailing behind awkwardly like this, staring. But she’s distracted by Catra, and Catra’s curves, and Catra’s skin, and Catra’s slowly swinging tail.

The words slip out before she can stop them.

“You look nice.”

Catra’s head whips around at her remark, reminding Adora once again that saying audible words has consequences.

She tries to distract from her statement by saying more things. “Uh, the outfit that you made for yourself is... very good,” she clears her throat. “It, it has... style. And it is... nice. I wanted to tell you before, but we were–“ she pauses for a moment–“we were... enemies back then.”

It’s one of those things that is a little hard to say, but Adora supposes it’s okay to acknowledge that. They were enemies, and now they’re friends again. Just like they were back then. And the last time they were friends, they had this fun little shared hobby. That Adora may or may not want to start up again. But _only_ if Catra wants to. And to find that out, she should probably ask, but she’s too scared. What if Catra says no? She has every reason to not want to kiss Adora, after everything that’s happened, so maybe Adora should just keep quiet about it and see if Catra will say anything.

“Yeah,” Catra’s eyes dim a bit at the reminder, and Adora is almost sorry for bringing it up. But those eyes light back up again. “I could tell you liked my outfit. Remember how you threw yourself at me?”

Adora’s eyes widen and she almost can’t believe Catra is bringing this up. Their last encounter, their last kiss. Adora thought they were going to just pretend that never happened. Apparently not.

She scoffs at Catra, pretending to be offended, and to be honest, she almost is. “When did I throw myself at you? You kissed me first!”

Catra snorts. “Yeah, I did,” she admits, like it’s nothing, which is confusing. Adora thought she would fight her more on that. “Guess you’re right.” She grabs Adora’s sleepwear, tossing it at her. She almost reaches for her own, but then pauses with a smirk.

“Oh, that reminds me. Since you like my outfit so much, should I just leave it on?”

Adora feels her face go hot with embarrassment. This is why telling people what you’re thinking is bad. Because sometimes those people will make fun of you for it!

Adora gives a shaky huff and grabs Catra’s sleepwear for her, shoving it in her arms, making Catra laugh. “Stop it! It’s time for bed, silly. We can’t just wear these.”

They walk back to their room without saying much else. And then they change out of their clothes, backs facing each other. Adora doesn’t know why. But she also knows it would be stranger to change clothes face to face. She turns around when she’s done, and freezes when she sees that Catra’s still changing. Right, her outfit... would take a little longer to remove than Adora’s.

Adora wonders if she should turn back around again, if it’s wrong to just keep looking like she is. Even though they’ve both seen the other in multiple states of undress before. But that was a long while ago. Are things too different now? Have they changed too much?

Perhaps. They have scars that didn’t used to exist, and back then, Adora was clueless to many things she’s far too aware of now. Sometimes, she wishes things could be as simple as them taking a shower together again, giggling under running water. But now, if they were to do that, Adora wouldn’t just want to kiss Catra. Oh no, she’d think of many other things she’d want to do.

And then the memory of that night, their last kiss, and everything that went down, it hits her. At some point, Catra wanted to do a lot more to her than just kiss, and they were enemies back then too. What could that possibly mean?

“Hey, Catra?” Adora asks just as Catra finishes getting dressed. “Why did you kiss me?”

Catra looks at her blankly at first and then snorts, tittering to herself. “Does it look like I just kissed you?”

Adora shakes her head. “No, not now. I mean... back then. The last time we kissed. When you broke into my room. Why did you do it, Catra? We were barely even talking anymore and–“ she gets slightly choked up at the thought–“we weren’t even friends...”

Catra gets this solemn look on her face as she crosses her arms slightly. “I...” she sighs. “I don’t know. Back then... the Horde was winning. We were gaining all this territory and slowly taking over so many places. I thought that was all I ever wanted. To win. To take over everything. But it wasn’t. It didn’t feel good, not like I thought it would. Scorpia had left, Entrapta was gone, all because of me.” Her eyes shift gloomily. “I had no one. I was... all empty inside, I guess. I could barely sleep, and when I did sleep, I had nightmares. Of all the things I did: to Entrapta, to Scorpia, to you... to everyone I’ve ever hurt. It was driving me crazy. Sometimes I would wake up screaming, crying, or both. It was horrible.”

A lump forms in Adora’s throat as she thinks about all the pain Catra went through. A lot of the more recent pain was self-inflicted, but she still didn’t deserve it. She’s suffered so much already, and she continued to suffer when she was winning, when she was running the Horde. “I had no idea... I’m so sorry that happened, Catra.”

“No, don’t,” Catra shakes her head. “It’s not your fault. None of it is.” She takes a deep breath. “I think I was at an all time low when I snuck into your room. I don’t know what I was thinking. And honestly? I don’t think I _was_ thinking. I hadn’t slept for days at that point.” Catra scratches the back of her neck. “It was late, and all I knew was that I, that I wanted to feel good again. The next thing I knew... I was in your bed.” She sits, sliding down against the wall. “It was so stupid. I... I’m sorry, by the way. I know it was wrong to–“

“Hey,” Adora crouches down, sitting next to Catra against that wall. “It’s okay,” she slowly covers Catra’s hand with her own, squeezing it reassuringly. “It’s long over by now. Besides, I shouldn’t be taking any apologies when I...” she blushes a bit. “Kissed you back. And I think I was in a bad place too, when you kissed me. I was feeling worse and worse every day.”

It’s a little strange, admitting this to someone. To Catra, of all people. But maybe Catra is the best person to admit this to. It is a little freeing to find some explanation, to the way they behaved. They were both scared, sad, and wanted to be rescued. They were hurting each other so much back then... but in some ways they saved each other too, with those kisses. They saved themselves, if only for a few moments before it all went sideways again.

“I felt... this hopelessness,” Adora continues, swallowing the painful reminder. “This emptiness. I think I was lonely, actually.”

“Really?” Catra looks at her in disbelief. “But why? You had everyone. Even Scorpia left me and joined the Rebellion.”

Adora looks at her and exhales with a small frown. There had been so many horrible disputes with Glimmer, her guilt over Angella’s sacrifice, and all those things definitely added to the pain. But the crushing feelings she’s referring to started after Catra rejected her during the portal incident, and they never fully wavered until she got Catra back. Even now, a tiny bit of those feelings remain. It was one thing to feel guilty and useless, it was another thing to feel alone in a room full of people, because it was missing a person in particular.

_“It’s because I didn’t have you.”_

Catra doesn’t say anything for a while and it makes Adora worry she’s said too much, taken things too far. Then Catra says a breathless “oh,” and even that fails to alleviate her concerns.

She’s about to take it back, turn to Catra and make some kind of joke, say something, anything, to save the situation, but when she opens her mouth Catra’s pulling her in for a kiss and she fails to say anything.

She melts into it, sighing in relief. Turns out she didn’t need to say anything at all, and neither does Catra. More than anything, they need each other’s lips right now. It feels incredible to be kissing Catra again, after being deprived for so long. Wanting it so badly, thinking about it in her loneliest moments, crying about her broken heart when it all got too much. When she was alone in her room on a dark night and she let herself really feel all that pain because no one was there, no one could see her.

All that pain, that she pressed down and choked on till she couldn’t see it anymore, it now seeps out as Catra kisses her, leaving her body. Adora sighs pleasantly into the kiss, because finally, _finally_ she gets this. And it’s the best kind of gratification, and maybe all of the suffering was worth it to feel something so sweet. To taste Catra’s lips again, pressed hot against her own.

They move closer together, deepening the kiss. Adora’s head is starting to spin. Gently, she cradles the back of Catra’s neck, holding her in place. Their kiss starts to heat up a little more, passion seeping in, their little exhales and grunts picking up in frequency and intensity. Catra’s hands run through her hair, and it makes Adora moan as she moves her hands down Catra’s back, enjoying how scantily clad she is. It feels good to touch Catra again. It feels good to throw animosity out the window. It feels good to touch her without that many obstructive layers separating them.

Suddenly, the door slams open, and they separate in shock.

“Sorry, sorry! I’m just looking for my eight-sided octa-driver! Have either of you seen it?” Entrapta asks, words rolling out like a fast moving train, scrambling around their room in a hasty search.

Adora’s heart is pounding like crazy, harder than it was when she was kissing Catra, and they’re about two feet apart right now, heaving at Entrapta’s intrusion. They’ve never gotten properly caught like this before, and there’s... as far as Adora is concerned, getting caught kissing by Entrapta shouldn’t have much of a consequence, if any. Entrapta doesn’t even seem to have seen anything. And yet Adora is filled with a fear that she is still trying to unlearn.

“Uh, no?” Adora says, because she has no idea what Entrapta is talking about, and she’s pretty sure she didn’t see any of her tools in their room.

“Huh, that’s a shame,” Entrapta sighs, but recovers quickly, perking up almost immediately. “Oh well! Guess I’ll look in another room. Maybe Bow and Glimmer will know where it is!” She stops at the last second, narrowing her eyes at them. “Hey, why are you two sitting on the floor?”

Catra and Adora look at each other at the same time, panic flashing across both their faces.

“Uh...”

“Because we... don’t have chairs?”

Entrapta blinks at them. “Oh! Well, that makes sense. I need to get going. Darla might self-destruct if I don’t find that octa-driver soon.”

“Wait, what?”

“Should we be concerned?”

“Nope! Nothing to worry about, I’ll have everything under—oh!” Her pigtails rise in realization. “I remember where it is now. Never mind. Thanks for your help! Good night!”

She waves as she leaves, shutting the door firmly. The sound nearly makes Adora jump.

“Good... good night.”

Slowly, Catra and Adora look at each other again.

“Uh, so...” Adora wracks her brain for something to say. “That was weird, right?”

Catra’s eyes narrow at the door. “Does that thing have a lock?”

Adora breaks into a giggle, barely able to help herself. Her heart blossoms at Catra’s words, at the intensity in her stare. “I think so. Why, are you scared someone will come in again?”

Catra’s cheeks flush a baby pink. “I mean, she could’ve at least knocked.”

“Aw, were you sad because you had to stop kissing me?” Adora teases, smiling so wide it nearly hurts her face.

“No! Shut up!” Catra moves to the door in frustration, turning the lock with a quick flick of her wrist.

“Wow, you _really_ don’t want anyone coming in, huh?” Adora chuckles, following behind her. “Do you like me or something?”

“NO!” She yells, startling Adora. Yes, Adora was the one teasing her, cracking jokes, but it hurts seeing Catra deny it so hard. She must really not like Adora.

Catra’s face deflates in guilt upon seeing the expression on Adora’s face.

“I’m sorry. I just–“ Catra takes a tense breath–“don’t want anyone barging in. We... we use this room to sleep, right? I would wake up! The second anyone walked in.” She gulps, before exhaling harshly. “That’s, that’s it. It’s not that I like you. It’s not that I don’t like you either. Uh, I, whatever.” She blushes, looking panicked, and Adora starts to smile again. “This has nothing to do with–“

She interrupts Catra with a kiss this time, barely thinking it through, but Adora feels her relax against her as their lips connect. It makes her feel smug, but only for a moment. Their kiss heats up faster this time, and they clamor for each other more urgently, moaning into the kiss, wanting more, touching more, feeling more. Catra’s touch burns into Adora’s skin, and she begins to ache for something else again. She was just trying to make a point, but if she keeps kissing Catra she’ll be the one who’ll get needy, who’ll desire too much.

“Tell me... tell me you like kissing me,” Adora rasps breathlessly as they pull apart. She needs to hear it. She wants to hear Catra say she wants this, not because she wants to use it against her, or even use it to tease her, but simply because... actually, she’s not quite sure why. But her hands are cupping Catra’s cheeks, eyes begging for answers.

Catra’s panting as she responds. “Of... of course I like kissing you. Why else would I keep doing it, idiot.”

Adora presses a firm kiss to her lips again, before moving back to look her in the face, searching Catra’s eyes. Her lips move before her mind can think again. “Tell me why you like it.”

Catra’s mouth falls open, her eyes widening, her throat moving with a gulp. “Uh... because it feels good? You... make me feel good.”

Adora feels her lungs tighten, and her throat gets smaller. She can’t swallow for a moment. She’s not sure this is the answer she wanted to hear. She lets go of Catra’s face. “Oh.”

“Right?” Catra looks nervous, her fingers fidgeting. “It feels... good for you too, right?”

She makes a sharp intake of air, and she smiles. “Yeah... yeah. That’s, that’s why.”

“Is everything okay?”

She tightens her lips together for a moment, but then decides thinking this through is not what she wants to do. She decides to just give up and feel, and take action. “I think I want more.”

“More?” Catra’s eyes widen. “Oh.”

“Yeah,” she concurs breathlessly. “Do you? Want more?”

Catra gives Adora a once over, gently smacking her lips. It sends a shiver through her body, and desire burns hot under her stomach. “Oh, yeah.”

“Do you remember?” Adora implores amorously, her hand reaching for Catra’s hip. “That night? How far we went... how good it felt?” She drags Catra into her space, their bodies lined up. Her eyes shut in a careless exhale. “Do you have any idea what that did to me? Do you know... what I did to myself after?”

Catra’s breath hitches. “No way. You didn’t–“

Adora nods readily. “I did. And I thought about you... the entire time.”

This elicits a strong reaction from Catra, who makes an indistinguishable sound of frustration, clenching her teeth. “Oh my god. Oh, I’m going insane.”

“Good,” Adora presses her forehead against her, snorting, smiling. _Feel good._ She’s doing this to feel good too, the both of them are. She shouldn’t read more into it, she shouldn’t feel this strange disappointment outlining her feverish excitement. Why feel disappointed at all, actually, when she’s got Catra in her arms like this? She should just focus on the sensations, of the physicality of all this.

“Tell me what you thought about,” Catra blurts out hastily, like she’s itching to know. “Or, better yet,” she grips onto Adora’s waist. “Show me?”

This sets off something in her, and Adora swoops in for a kiss again, but it is clear there is a lot of intent, and that this kiss will lead to much more. Much more than just a simple kiss. Adora’s hands roam down, past Catra’s rear and to the back of her thighs, grabbing them, and picking her up. Instinctively, Catra’s legs wrap around her waist, gripping tight and strong. Adora barely has to grasp at her legs to keep her up. It feels incredible, kissing Catra like this, and it makes her feel powerful, and it makes her feel so weak with want all at the same time, and she can barely think, what with Catra’s arms as they are, wrapping around her neck. Those raspy little sighs escaping from their lips as they kiss and kiss and kiss.

Adora moves, walking them both away from the door and to their bed, unceremoniously dumping Catra on the surface with a thump.

“Ow!” Catra yelps, and then laughs.

“Sorry!” Adora hastily apologizes, crawling onto their bed herself. It’s a tiny bed, and it’s not the softest surface to be on. If only Adora’s powers included making beds bigger, and comfier. Then they wouldn’t have this problem. “Are you okay?”

“Sure,” Catra sits up and leans in for another kiss, going slow and a bit sensual this time. She reaches for Adora’s tank top, pushing it up. “Take this off,” she instructs, hot and bossy in Adora’s ear. “I miss seeing them.”

Adora gets this playful glint in her eye. “Miss seeing what?”

Catra only snorts this time, not angry or petulant. She doesn’t yell. Honestly, the fact that Catra had raised her voice earlier should have taught Adora to stop. But apparently there’s no stopping her. And since Catra seems to be taking her teases in stride at the moment, Adora will only continue to be insufferable in future instances.

Catra reaches for the sides of Adora’s top and pulls it off in one swift motion. The quickness of it sends a rush to her head. Catra blows a shaky exhale as she looks down at them. This produces a pulsating need for Adora to be touched. Without warning, Catra pulls her in close, mouth by Adora’s ear, hand tracing the curve of her breast. Her teasing touches make Adora shiver.

“I miss seeing your tits, happy now?”

Before Adora can respond, Catra moves her head down, wrapping her lips around her nipple, sucking part of the breast in her mouth. It is a glorious feeling that has Adora crying out in delight the second she makes contact.

It is all also, a tiny bit one sided, which bothers Adora. She wants to touch Catra too, make her putty in her hands. While Catra works wonders on her breasts, making her ache more and more between her legs, Adora slides her hand down Catra’s navel, dipping into her briefs. Her fingers make contact with her folds, and it shocks her just how wet Catra is.

Catra gives a shocked yip when Adora’s hand is at the apex of her thighs, releasing her claim to Adora’s chest as she pulls back slightly, biting her lip and gasping as Adora begins rubbing slow, small circles on her clit.

“Uh, Ado–Adora...”

She grips tight onto her arm, sitting at a forty-five degree angle, as if unwilling to fully give in yet. Adora shushes her and coaxes her down into a lying position. She finds this all so fascinating. She’s never touched Catra like this, she’s never known the effect she could have. And it feels powerful, more powerful than she’s ever felt in her life. More powerful than transforming into She-Ra and beating people up with her magical sword.

Catra’s eyes fall open and shut in a constant cycle of giving in and then refusing to give into the pleasure she’s receiving.

“You like that?” she asks softly, full of care.

“Yeah,” she breathes loudly. “Please, that is so good.”

Adora lowers herself closer to Catra’s face. She gives her a small kiss on the cheek. “You feel so good,” she tells her. “It feels so nice to touch you.”

Contrary to her sweet words, Adora speeds up, touching Catra in messier, rougher ways, and it produces a squeal from the back of Catra’s throat. Giggling, Adora slows back down again.

“You...”

“I’m what?” Adora asks cheekily, feigning innocence. Teasing Catra, not just with words but physically as she touches her, it’s a new kind of fun. The kind of fun she wants to keep having.

“You’re the worst,” Catra heaves, clearly still in disarray. “You’re–“

“Oh, I’m what now?” Adora gives a petty smirk. “If I’m the worst, should I stop?”

Catra yelps at the loss of contact when Adora pulls away, her hand leaving Catra’s briefs, but Adora starts tugging them off with a smile. When she’s dumped them on the floor, Adora slowly spreads Catra’s legs apart. She slides her finger inside her and Catra groans, long, hard, and it is the most satisfying sound. Adora sticks a second finger in and it feels all wet and slippery inside. Gently, she begins to move, thrusting her fingers in and out, lightly, watching the way it makes Catra squirm, as she tries to stay still all the same.

“Do...” Catra lets out this cry when Adora curls her fingers up just slightly. It sends a rush when Catra slams her fist against the bed, groaning harshly as Adora forms a rhythm to her thrusts, smoothly pumping her fingers. “Do not stop. Please. I swear, if you, if you stop, I’ll–“

“You‘ll what?” Adora asks softly, challenging her.

Catra gives a helpless whimper as her hands move behind to cling onto the bed, gripping tight as Adora speeds up on purpose. Her mouth falls open several times but no words come out, only making indiscernible sounds of feeble little whines.

“Yeah, that’s what I thought,” Adora smirks as she drives Catra to her climax. She is beautiful when she comes. It is fascinating to watch the way Catra moves, her eyes shut and then falling wide open in some exhilarating kind of shock, covering her own mouth to stifle those yells, not wanting to wake anyone up, or alert anyone to their activities. Adora keeps moving her fingers until Catra stills, her head leaning on its side, breathing heavily.

When she stops, she moves up to give Catra a kiss on the forehead, smiling sweetly at her. Catra smiles back at her, recovering from the sensations.

“You were incredible,” Adora tells her, and Catra snorts, like it’s laughable.

“Me?” She shakes her head. “Oh, _I_ haven’t done anything yet.”

Before Adora can ask what she means, Catra is moving down, moving between her legs. Adora’s heart starts thumping.

Catra pulls off her shorts, lowering her head, and Adora bites her lip, moaning when Catra licks a slow long stripe up her clit, tasting her, and finding out just how wet she is.

“Mm,” Catra licks her lips. “You gotta be kidding me.”

Adora makes a sound resembling a mewl. “What... what is it?”

Instead of responding, Catra’s lips clamp over her clit and she sucks hard. It’s like an attack, really, with how good it immediately feels, good in a way that’s not subtle at all, and Adora screeches from the sudden pleasure. She barely manages to stop herself from being too loud, and she doesn’t stop her sounds from being very embarrassing.

Catra releases her lips with a curt laugh, leaning her head on Adora’s thigh.

Adora’s a little upset that Catra stopped, but when she raises herself to look, her heart can’t help but weaken at how soft Catra appears, leaning against her leg. The fact that she’s between her legs at all is a mind-numbing thought in and of itself. It’s a beautiful sight.

Catra notices her staring. “What, are you mad that I stopped?”

Adora’s eyes widen, and her mouth trembles at getting caught. “What? No! I’m, I’m fine.”

Catra shakes her head, pretending to disapprove. “You’re so needy. Can’t believe you’d be this impatient.”

“I’m not!” Adora desperately insists, her face going red. “I don’t need you to do anything, and I wasn’t, I wasn’t trying to rush–“

“Ah, too good,” Catra snickers one last time, soothing Adora with a caress of her thigh. “Relax, okay? You can be needy if you want. I know how much you like bossing me around.”

Before Adora can even attempt to disprove that last bit, Catra’s lips are back on her labia, tongue slipping inside her wet walls. Adora only lets out a small restrained gasp, lying back and taking what Catra is so generously dishing out.

It all happens rather quickly.

Adora can barely describe it, all she knows is there was a lot of sucking and flicking involved, and that it felt amazing, and that it was so good she could barely stand it. Before she can even warn Catra, her orgasm hits and her entire body shakes from the strength of it. It leaves her breathless as it happens and when it is over. She has never come like that in her life. It took Catra one try to top every single time Adora had pleasured herself.

She pulls Catra up from her legs to be with her, to hold her. Catra fits so perfectly in her arms, and they both just quietly stew in their emotions as they snuggle up to each other.

“Should we like... put our clothes back on?”

“Why?” Adora asks with a happy snort. “Are you cold?” She holds Catra a little tighter. “Need me to warm you up?”

Catra lightly shoves Adora away. “I’m not cold, okay? Just... what if someone comes in?”

“Didn’t you lock the door?”

She looks a little embarrassed at the realization and Adora laughs, reaching over to pick Catra’s bottoms up from the floor. She falls off the bed.

“Adora!”

Adora can’t even make any sound of pain—Catra’s desperate concern is too funny and makes her forget any pain she might’ve felt from hitting the floor.

“I’m okay,” Adora assures her, deciding not to tease her this time. She tosses Catra’s briefs at her. “Here you go.”

Catra hands Adora her clothes, which were strewn over randomly in their bed.

They get dressed, and Adora climbs back in to sleep with Catra. They cuddle and make full use of the tiny resting space. They shut their eyes from the exhaustion, not saying much else, but Adora opens her eyes a few moments later.

Catra is breathtaking, with her soft tousled hair, her pretty flushed cheeks, and her lips that are stained with the taste of Adora. She’s almost tempted to kiss her mouth, to find out what she tastes like, and also, to kiss Catra again. But her eyes are fluttered shut and Adora doesn’t want to disturb her slumber. She looks so vulnerable like this, her chest slowly rising and falling, her body pressed against Adora’s own.

She wants to say something.

“Catra... I–“

“Yeah?” Catra opens her eyes expectantly and lifts her head to look at Adora.

Adora’s tongue is tied. She can’t say what she wants to say because Catra is awake and watching and listening. She can’t say what she wants to say because Catra might not feel the same way.

She smiles instead. “I really liked what we did.”

Catra’s eyes glaze over, looking almost sad for a moment. Adora wonders why. But then Catra chuckles. “I liked it too.”

They drift off to sleep.

The next day, Adora is trying and failing to summon She-Ra. Catra is cocky and messing with her and sitting in her lap and Adora can’t think. But then she never wants Catra to leave her lap. She never wants Catra to leave her, or go where she can’t follow.

Weeks later, Adora watches Catra vanish before her very eyes, doing the one thing Adora thought she wouldn’t do again. She leaves, and perhaps this cements it for her. Catra doesn’t love her, won’t remain with her, won’t be with her. And anguish consumes Adora, making her scream her lungs out in desperation, for Catra to hear her, just listen to her for once, and to stay. But it doesn’t matter how hard she sobs. Catra is gone.

**_...unless?_ **

“I love you, too.”

Of all the kisses they’ve shared, this latest one is Adora’s favorite.

Being alive is good, actually. Being alive, and being held in Catra’s arms, and getting pulled in for a kiss... it’s something else.

Yes, they’ve kissed, they’ve kissed plenty of times, but this one is different. Because she knows now, that Catra has loved her this whole time, that she was not alone in her feelings, and their kisses meant something after all.

And this kiss, it turns her into She-Ra again.

Catra pulls away and Adora’s breath is completely taken away. Not by the kiss ending. But by how incredible it was, and the incredible thing it did. Adora feels more powerful than she’s ever been. Not that she cares as much about that right now, though.

“Wow,” she gasps, and watches Catra blush, rolling her eyes with a smile.

“Don’t ruin it.”

She helps Adora up. Not that She-Ra would need it, but it feels nice to be helped by Catra. It feels nice to touch her hand.

“Ready to go save the world now?”

Adora kisses Catra on the forehead. “I think I already saved _my_ world.”

“Uh, that’s really sweet and all, but I think you should save the rest of the real world now too. Not sure if you heard it earlier, but, I think Horde Prime just asked Etheria to cry or something?"

“Wait, what?” Adora fills up with anxiety for a moment. She nearly forgot about the intergalactic conquerer who is threatening their world’s existence. “Oh no, I should really–“

“Yes, idiot, run!”

Adora takes off running immediately, turning around to see Catra chasing close by, laughing at her. Adora smiles.

“Thank you.”

“I know, I’m a genius who brought back She-Ra. We can throw me a party later.” She blushes for a moment, slowing as they run. “You could also kiss me, if, if you want. I could kiss you. Like, as a reward for defeating evil or whatever.”

Adora feels herself blush, enjoying this moment even though time is of the essence. But it’s okay. She has a good feeling about this. She is going to vanquish Horde Prime no matter what. And then she is going to kiss Catra like tomorrow doesn’t exist.

“You promise?” she asks half-jokingly, before letting out a short giggle and running all the way out of the Heart of Etheria.

She saves the world.

And Catra makes good on her word.

**Author's Note:**

> no one: 
> 
> me: what if catra and adora had been kissing the entire goddamn time,,,, what if they’re best friends to enemies to lovers who also kissed the entire time because they just couldn’t help themselves and also it hurt so much!! 
> 
> hello. i know. this was a lot wasn’t it? i have been... slaving over this fic for weeks giving it my entire heart because this fic really is everything to me. i don’t often like sucking my own dick but i think this fic slaps. just. a lot of the concepts. hopefully u can relate and this fic slapped for u too! my one fear is that all of u hate this and think it’s bad :(
> 
> shoutout to my dearly beloved jules. she’s @catradoraism on both tumblr and twitter. her art and fic are all really good and she is miles above the person i am ❤️ the reason why i’m plugging her is because this fic would not have existed if not for her. basically what happened was we were talking and i was like “haha what if catradora fic but they were kissing the entire time” and jules was like “do it” and i was like oh? just write it? just create the fic? and she was like yeah and i was like okay cherished one anything for you ❤️ and so i forced myself to think about how this fic would be written and i wrote it. and it was one of the best things i’ve ever done 
> 
> if you enjoyed this fic please give me a kudos and please please comment if you can. i love comments so much. i crave attention and validation for anything i do. i love all comments and i love long comments but i also love short comments. leave me as many comments as you want ❤️ i also have tumblr and twitter if u don’t want to comment here. i am @scrawnycatra on both platforms. you can send me an ask on tumblr (please send me asks about this fic. i would love to talk about this fic immensely on my tumblr. feel free to comment And Also send asks) or tweet me! 
> 
> do you have a fave out of parts 1-5? do you like all of them equally for different reasons? any lines you liked or scenes you loved? please tell me in the comment section below <3
> 
> okay now onto random things i have to say about this fic: 
> 
> idk if it showed but i think adora has adhd and i peppered a lot of adhd things into my writing of her in this fic. ofc im taking my own adhd qualities and applying it to her and thinking hm this makes sense! yeah this is her! hope y’all agree w that! i also think catra has adhd. they are two impulsive adhd peas in a pod who understand each other on a different level. which is why they can’t stop fucking laughing at each other’s jokes <3 not sure if i deliberately wove in any adhd things into catra on purpose but i definitely did it on purpose for adora! 
> 
> you may also have noticed that i told this story in adora’s pov and did not delve into catra’s pov at all..... idk why i thought that was important but i think it was interesting to write because i give you everything adora’s thinking and then for catra i give it away through her words actions and expressions and the rest u have to infer💔 and i think in some ways that is. easy? easier? idk like they’re both pretty loud but adora is a tiny bit more repressed i think. idk. i could be wrong. i know i already wrote this 20k fic but i am always wrong :( unless.... im correct? KFKSKDKD anyway,,, uh 
> 
> in part 3..... glimmer fucking slaps <3 KFKSKDSJ sorry but yeah i do like the scene between her and adora where she brings some more realization to the picture about catra and adora and the nature of their relationship. hopefully y’all enjoyed that scene!! also when catra suddenly pops in when adora is resting in the green pastures..... i did not throw that in there for no reason. what happened there on catra’s end is that, you know, since it’s post 1x07, catra’s got this grand idea to kidnap bow and glimmer, and what she does here is she sneaked into bright moon to scout the place out, and put together a plan. but she couldn’t find adora anywhere until she saw her in the grass, just.... lying there. and the gayness just took over <3 fmsmdnsndn so yeah it’s. a reckless decision. and when adora kissed her and catra became convinced it was an act of manipulation bc she was unable to reconcile adora wanting her with adora leaving her.... she went back to the horde and scrapped the whole bright moon plan. and then the stuff in princess prom happens like normal <3 so yeah, my intention with this fic is that all these scenes can technically happen and make sense within the show. which. it kind of can <3 but it also does not make sense <3 but also it does <3 is this a fic or is this a conspiracy theory? yes <3
> 
> (i had to cut off everything else that i said because ao3 said max 5000 characters :( )
> 
> thank you if you’ve read this whole fic and also double kudos to you if you’ve read this entire rambling mess of an author’s note <3 have a good day folks hope this fic was a good read for u all!!!!!!


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